But no. She's made it clear that last night wasn't her. Even if I wanted it to be real, it wasn't. So I smile cheerfully and pretend like my heart isn't ripping right out of my chest with every “sorry” that spills from her lips.
Even if all she wants is friendship, I'll be there for her.
It's taken nearly a month, but I like to think we're back to normal. I glance down at the message on my data pad and grin.
It is a time for grouping! I shall carry the pictures and we enjoyment bountiful. I am full of longing that you will make the adequate snacks Lucy has enlightened upon you. Visions of you soon.
It's been months and that shit is never not funny. It's become a game between us. When Khex arrives, we read them aloud and see how badly the messages are scrambled and have a good laugh over the terrible translation. Rektar informed Khex of a better translation program, but we get a kick out of the bad messaging and we've left it the way it is. I read the note again. “Pictures” is vids, and he said he has a human one for me this time. “Adequate snacks” makes me chortle far too hard, because even after a month of Lucy texting me with recipes, I'm still a shit cook. “Adequate” is rather complimentary for my skill level, if I'm being honest.
Lucy's texting helped take some of the loneliness away. She started the day after the party, thanking me for coming over and writing out the recipe for one of her cookies that I'd apparently eaten a whole plate of. I'm not calling you because noise makes me hurt down to my soul, she'd texted back. And Khex said your comm unit doesn't chime when someone calls.
That's right, I'd sent back immediately, pouncing on the lie. I get messages but not actual comm notifications.
Then we'll message until it's fixed! Lucy immediately replied.
From that point on, we've constantly texted throughout the day. It's lovely, even if the data pad isn't set up to display the Latin alphabet properly and some of the characters look a little strange, and every time I shut the pad off, I have to switch the settings all over again. It doesn't matter. Between her texts and Khex's constant visits, I no longer feel lonely. I'm…happy. Happy-ish anyhow. I'd be happier if Khex would throw me down to the floor and dick me until I can't walk, but I'll take what I can get.
You're not in love with him, I remind my stupid brain for the tenth time today. You've simply mentally decided that he's “safe” and so you find him attractive and charming and now you want to fall on his dick because it's been forever since you got laid. It's not really about Khex. It's just about being in a horny dry spell.
I tell myself this constantly, but I'm not entirely sure it's sinking in.
Truth is, he makes my heart flutter. He makes me laugh. He makes me smile. He makes me despair every time he says something about friendship instead of grabbing me and kissing me. I know we're just platonic. I know it with every fiber of my being. I don't blame him, either. I'm a woman with baggage. I don't trust people. I isolate myself. I'm a terrible housekeeper. And that's just on top of the issue with my hearing. In short, I'm a bundle of issues and any sensible man would go running.
I should just be grateful that I have him as a friend and not push beyond that.
So I ignore my longings and set up the house for our usual rendezvous. I put out the snacks—pretzel-like crisps that I've been getting better at making—and put a few of Khex's favorite brews into the refrigerator. It's his turn to bring snacks, but sometimes he gets caught up at work and doesn't have time to go by the cantina for fried leaves and brew, so I try to keep some on hand. After I'm done tidying up, I get dressed. I pull out my tightest bodysuit and unzip it just a little to show some cleavage, and add a bit of berry color to my lips. I mean, just because we're friends doesn't mean I can't look sexy and try to entice him, after all.
I sit in my spot on the couch, toying with my data pad as I wait for his sled to arrive. Kim (the lady married to the big praxiian) writes chapters in a book that she sends to all the humans, and Lucy has had me added to the list. I've become completely addicted to the story and eagerly await each new segment. No sooner do I settle down to read than Khex's sled pulls up outside, the motor puttering so loud that even I can hear it. Khex has never said, but I suspect he does a pass low over the roof to make noise and alert me to his arrival, because he knows I startle easily.