And then we'll both laugh, and I'll cry about it tomorrow or something.
As plans go, it kind of sucks. But it's all I've got.
Even so, the moment the sled is turned off, I give him an overbright smile. "I'll just go check on the meat-stock before bed. Make sure the bots have them all herded inside."
"I can help with that—"
"Nope! It's fine. Be right back!" I all but fling myself out of the vehicle and race for the barn, trying to gather my panicking thoughts. Once inside the barn, I smooth my hair and try to compose myself as I check the status of my stock on one of the bots. All head accounted for. All temperatures normal. Food distribution set for eight a.m. I'm good. There's nothing to check on.
Really, other than punching a few buttons, there's not a lot to do on my farm. It feels like a token effort at making us colonists, not that I ever had great dreams of farming anyhow. But I tap out a few displays, checking the cattle's mineral content (why? why, Ash??) and adjusting the vitamin supplements for the feed.
In short, I'm dithering.
Just go in there and tell him you want to have sex, I chide myself. Sex is a totally natural thing. Friends with benefits. Buddies have sex all the time.
"Ash?" Khex calls out loudly behind me. "Everything okay?"
Oh, fuck it.
I turn around and see him standing, silhouetted in moonlight, at the open doors to the barn. He looks alien. Alien and strong and perfect and amazing and I'm going to do this.
With determination in my stride, I march up to him, grab the front of his tunic, and pull him down, planting my mouth on his. His lips are warm and soft against mine for a brief moment, and then he recoils, pulling back. "Ash! What the kef?" He cups my chin, tilting my face up to his and peers at my eyes. "Did you drink too much again?"
I shake my head, my stomach in knots. "I'm sober. And I've been thinking about this for a while now. I think we should have sex."
He blinks at me, his lashes fanning up and down at glacial speed. "You…what?"
"I think we should have sex," I state boldly again. I lift my chin, determined not to blush or be stupid and missish about this. "You're leaving. It's our last chance. And I want to have sex. With you."
Khex stares down at me for so long that I think he's going to refuse. That he's going to tell me that he likes me but only as a friend, and I'm making him feel awkward by suggesting such things. He lifts a hand. "How many fingers am I holding up?"
"Two." Seriously? We're doing this? I glare up at him, annoyance flashing as I twist another handful of his clothing. "I'm not drunk, Khex. I want—"
His mouth is on mine in the next moment, hot, hungry and devouring.
Oh. Oh god, yes.
I moan against his lips, and when his hands slide down to my ass, I fling one leg around his hip. He makes a sound of approval and I wrap the other one around him as well, as if I'm climbing him, just as Lucy said. Khex's mouth is greedy against mine, his tongue slicking into my mouth insistently. He's kissing the hell out of me, and I'm losing track of the world around me. All I know is that Khex is here with me, and we're going to do this, and I'm so, so damn ready.
His mouth slants over mine again, changing the angle slightly, and he staggers a step forward and then another. "Bedroom?" he manages between kisses.
I nod, pulling at his clothing. "Bed. Yes. Bed." We could do this on the floor and I wouldn't care, as long as we're doing this. I just need him. I need this last memory with him to tide me over through the future, to remind me of how much I love him.
"And you're sure—"
"Not drunk," I say breathlessly, and scrape my teeth against his chin. "Just want you. Desperately."
Khex groans and takes a few more steps into my bedroom, his big hands cupping my backside tight, holding me against his groin. I can feel the heat of him pressing against the juncture between my thighs, grazing as he walks, and it's like the world's horniest tease. It makes me want him even more, and I bite down on his lower lip, desperate to show him how much I need him.
Then we're at my bed and he sets me down gently upon it. I immediately pull at his clothing, tugging at the auto-fastener high at his neck and tearing at it when it doesn't slither down fast enough. His hands are on my clothing, too, and we're both as desperate to get the other party naked.