“Nice to meet you, Jack.” I refuse to call him by his nickname the same way everyone else is. Not only because it sets me apart but because it feels easier.
There’s a tepid cup of beer in my hand, and I raise it to my lips, needing my hands to be busy. Not wanting anyone to see me shiver when Jack smiles down at me. His warm and friendly smile has butterflies in my stomach spreading their wings and fluttering.
Heart skipping a few beats…
Skip.
He was always more mature than everyone else. His goals always felt loftier. He knew he wanted to play in the pros, and nothing was getting in his way. Laser-focused, he kept himself on a strict diet and worked out religiously.
He didn’t miss curfew, didn’t break the rules, and did what had to be done to stay on the right path.
He was funny, and he loved me.
The first time we slept together, I’d been a virgin. Scared but excited, he had more experience but was nervous just the same, probably because the connection we had was so strong.
“Are you sure about this, Penn? We can wait.” There was no rush, but I loved him. I loved him the moment I laid eyes on him and felt respected by him, too. I hadn’t felt rushed to sleep with him at all. The urgency was on my end.
He was happy making out like teenagers and going down on me and getting blow jobs. I was the one who craved more.
“Yes, I’m sure. Are you going to make me beg?” I was teasing but also serious. It felt like he was holding back. I knew it was because I was a virgin, and he didn’t want me to have regrets. “Oh my god, stick it in already.”
“Gee, when you say it like that, it doesn’t make my dick want to shrivel up at all.” He laughed into the nape of my neck, his warm breath sending shivers down my spine. I could feel his erection pressing against me and squirmed, wiggling my hips back and forth to urge him forward.
“I’m not fragile, Skip. I won’t break.”
Skip. I only used his nickname when he irritated me, and he knew it.
“I know you won’t break, but you’re so small.”
I felt feminine and womanly beneath him, and I wanted him inside…
“You feel so good, Jack.”
He groaned.
I couldn’t understand why he was hesitating. I wasn’t the first girl he’d been with. Far from it. I knew he’d gone through that same phase so many athletes went through, with girls chasing after him. The cleat chasers propositioned him. The young women on campus were lining up to lock down Jack Jennings, and I was not his first sexual partner.
“I love you so much, Penelope.”
It hurt when he took my virginity, but we more than made up for that first night. The many, many nights that followed were full of sex in every position, on tables, in the shower, living room, bedroom, and even airplane bathrooms those times I flew to his away games.
No, his number hadn’t changed.
He had, though.
He was all man now, no naïvety of youth shining back at me in his astonished eyes.
Dark, dark eyes.
The same eyes I see every day.
Suddenly, I wish Skipper was home, sleeping in her own bed so I could go into her room and check on her. I’m feeling very... uncertain right now. And sick to my stomach.
I do not feel like a good person, or a good mother, or even a good human being. There’s only one thing I can do, and that is to text Jack Jennings. I have no other choice.
The first thing I do, though, before firing off my message is to change his contact information from Skip to Jack. It’s late, so I doubt he’ll be up to answer, but I send it anyway.
Me: Hey Jack, it’s Penelope. I just read your letter, so I wanted to…well. I guess I’m open to having drinks or something. I owe it to you.
He has no idea how much I owe him.
None at all.
Dread pools in the pit of my stomach when the phone dings with a notification only a few seconds later. Shit, he’s awake.
Jack: Great. I was beginning to give up hope.
Me: Ha, no. I just had to think about it first.
Jack: I wouldn’t have blamed you for needing a few days to think it over first. It’s been a long time. I can certainly catch you on a different weekend or fly back to town if this weekend does not work.
Jack: There is no pressure.
There he goes, being sweet and understanding.
Ugh, it would be so easy if he was an asshole. So much easier if he was a piece of shit scumbag. I literally have no excuse for my actions other than being young and stupid and scared.