Penelope: And here we are.
I know it’s been seven years, but she’s right. When we’re together, it’s as if we were never apart. Some of the best days and nights I’ve ever had with another breathing human have been with Penelope Halbrook.
In college, we rarely fought. I picked up my shoes and kept the lid to the toilet seat down because that’s how she liked it. I always pitched in around her place, and even went as far as helping her roommates. She tidied up my place, and I tidied up hers. We were a well-oiled—albeit young—machine.
Me: You know, I didn’t mean we had to move in together tomorrow, Penn. I know it’s freaking you out…
Penelope: I’m not trying to hurt your feelings. I don’t want you to think I’m freaking out. It was just unexpected and caught me off guard. I mean, we were walking into our daughter’s concert. What were you expecting me to say?
Me: That you’ll consider it.
Penelope: I’m considering it.
I wish I could see her face.
Hear her voice.
I wish she would video chat with me. No good comes from straight-up texting, especially not when it’s a serious topic of conversation. She could have been typing that sentence with a smile on her face, but I most certainly didn’t interpret it that way.
I resolve not to bring it up again. Instead, I switch gears because I need to see her again.
Five hours in one day was total bullshit, and we both know it. Still, I was there for Skipper, and that’s all that matters in the long run.
I am not going to miss any more milestones, big or small.
Penelope: I’m trying to open up to you, Jack. I promise I am. I’m open-minded about the whole thing, and I’m thinking about it. I owe you that much.
My body relaxes as if on a sigh.
Me: That’s all I’m asking. You to be open-minded and to see my side of things until we figure our shit out. Until we figure out what we’re going to do.
We have options. PLENTY OF THEM.
I move to her during the off-season—in an apartment or in a condo or in a house. I don’t give a shit where; I’ll stay where she tells me to stay, even if it’s with her.
Penn and Skipper move here, permanently, but I’m sensing now that may not happen. Not with how cautious she always is.
I continue flying back and forth for the time being (which is what I’m already doing), and we revisit the situation in a few more weeks. Which I do not have the patience for.
Um.
See? We have options. She’s just too stubborn to see them.
Penelope: I just worry you’re too busy, Jack. I woke up this morning thinking about how you’re doing all this chasing back and forth and—
Me: All this chasing? It’s only been a handful of times.
Penelope: Alright, fine. If you want to be literal. But I woke up thinking about how none of this is sustainable long term.
Me: News flash, Penelope Halbrook: PLENTY of people have successful long-distance relationships. And PLENTY of parents co-parent long distance, too. They make it work, and we will too if you don’t want to live together. Or near each other.
Penelope: You’re right, you’re right. I just don’t want YOU to do all the heavy lifting because I can’t afford to be hopping on an airplane and flying Skipper to Colorado, and vice versa.
Penelope: And don’t say “Lucky for you, Penelope Halbrook, I can afford to fly you back and forth,” because that’s not what I want.
Me: Okay, but that’s the reality of it, Penn. The hard TRUTH is that you can’t afford it, and I can. I can, and I will. Not because I have to, but because I WANT to. Pay and fly. I’m not trying to be a dick about this, but you have to just LET me, okay?
Penelope: I know, but…
Me: Penn, I was in a meeting this morning for Sport Aide. They want to pay me THREE MILLION DOLLARS per year for FIVE years to drink their sport crap. That’s FIFTEEN MILLION DOLLARS to smile for a camera, chug, and say cheese. I can afford the plane tickets. I can afford the hotels. I can afford to move you here. I can afford to buy you a house. I can afford the child support.
Oh shit. Child support.
I had to bring that up, didn’t I?
Fuck.
Back up, rewind.
Lucky for me, she doesn’t latch on to that one little last sentence.
Penelope: You’re right. It’s just hard letting go. I’ve been alone for a while, you know? It’s a pride thing, and it’s going to take time to get used to having your help.
Me: It’s not my help, Penelope. We’re partners now. Whether you like it or not, LOL.
Me: And not to brag, but I have at least four other endorsement deals that pay me a shit ton of money for products I already use, on top of my salary and bonuses for championship wins. So we’re good. Can we not ever argue about money again?