I dump my muck bucket and then go back into the barn, sweeping up the bedding that got into the aisle. Taking a minute to look around again, I start to feel overwhelmed. I don’t want Jacob’s words to get to me, but I know, deep down, that he has a point. This is a huge undertaking and I’m not sure how I will make it work. I just know I will. My whole life has been filled with moments like these, where I have no idea how I’m going to dig myself out of the hole I found myself in. I’ve been lucky enough to have people who love me who are more than willing to throw a rope and help me out. But this…the barn, the horses…it’s just going to be me.
“Josie,” Jacob calls, and hearing him say my name in his deep, gravelly voice sends rush of heat through me. I will around and see him walk into the barn. Sunlight illuminates his handsome face, and my breath catches in my chest. I wasn’t expecting to react that way now I’m feeling all too exposed, all too vulnerable. Like he’s going to take one look at me and realize how easily you can make me come undone.
“You know I’m just trying to help, right?” He stops just a few feet in front of me ice login with mine.
“Are you?” my lips part as I run my eyes up and down him. It's already warm out and heat is coming off of him in waves. I eye the palm of his hands, remembering how they felt when they were around my waist. God, I'm so pathetic. I'm not a fan of a one-night stand but I obviously need to get laid.
“Because it doesn't feel that way,” I continue. “It feels like you're very obviously telling me I'm not fit to wear my aunt’s shoes.”
“It's not just that,” he says somewhat reluctantly and reaches forward, picking a piece of hay out of my hair. I watch it flutter to the ground and then look back up, feeling the air get sucked out of my lungs when my eyes locked with his.
“Then what is it?” I ask, realizing that his hand is still hovering by my ear.
“It's… it's…” His eyes slightly narrow and his head slowly moves side to side. “It's that this is going to end up being a lot more than you're anticipating. Not just physically or financially, but emotionally. Not all of these horses make it. Some seem to be on the road to recovery for weeks before they take a turn, and some never heal like we hoped.”
He lets his hand fall, fingertips brushing over my shoulder and down my forearm. I shiver—and Jacob notices. “It's hard to make those decisions. We let our own emotions get in the way without meaning to. We're human, so we get attached, and those attachments can lead to unnecessary suffering. Everyone thinks they're capable of making the hard decisions until they're faced with it.”
“And you're capable of making them?” I cross my arms rubbing away the goosebumps.
“I certainly should hope so,” he says, face going stoic once again. “It's quite literally my job more times than I would like.”
I blink several times and look away. “Right you…you do have to put animals down. That can't be easy.”
“It's not, but doing the right thing isn't always easy.”
“Trust me, I know all about that.” I nervously reach up to tuck my hair behind my ear and feel something hard in it. I have a moment of panic again just like I did earlier today, thinking there's a bug in my hair. I don't know why it would freak me out so much. It's been in my hair without harming me; I just didn't know about it. Jacob reaches forward with a bit of amusement on his face.
“It's more hay,” he tells me, reaching forward. His fingers bend over mine and he pulls the hay out of my hair. “What did you do?”
“I kind of had a bale fall on me.”
“And you're okay? Those things are heavy.”
I laughed and run my hand through my hair to check for more hay.
“Well, it kind of felt over me, but I definitely got rained on with loose hay.”
“I can see that.” He inches closer and pulls more hay out of from the back of my head.
“Thanks,” I tell him, tipping my head up to look into his pretty blue eyes once more.
“Of course.” He pushes my hair back behind my shoulders and lets both hands slowly rundown my arms. My eyes are still on his, and I'm feeling more and more drawn to him with each passing heartbeat.
My heart pounds in my chest, and suddenly I’m aware of everything. The way his T-shirt is tight across his chest, and how it’s slightly dirty but still smells like laundry detergent. I don't think he shaved in a day or two in the stubble looks good on his sharp jaw line. Mentally, I shake myself. It doesn't matter right now. It doesn't matter that my body is reacting to having him this close to me. Speaking of…why is he this close? And why don't I want him to move away?