It would be a failure in her eyes, I know. It's people like her—people with big hearts who wear them on their sleeves—who are the most likely to get hurt. Trust me, I know. I can’t let that happen to Josie or her daughter— who won me over after only a few hours together. No, I won’t let either of them take the fall if it comes to that.
Which is why I vow to myself, right then and there, to be the bad guy so Josie doesn’t have to be.
Chapter Thirty-One
JOSIE
I loudly cough into the phone, trying to cover up the sound of Thor whinnying to his buddies from inside the barn. I’m on a conference call with my boss and the head of the sales department. After my presentation to the university several weeks ago, the veterinary program signed on to use the medications I spoke about. Now, both Hilda and the head of sales, Jerry, are trying to convince me to come into the office this week so I can receive a promotion to sales.
The money would be nice, I won’t lie, but even if I didn’t have the horses here, I would never want to be away from Everly for days at a time. If I took a job as a sales representative, I wouldn’t just go to local universities. I’ll be driving all over, walking into vet clinics and trying to convince them to buy our products.
I end the call feeling a little uncomfortable, knowing that each year of experience as a data analyst for this company makes me more expensive in their eyes. I don’t expect to get a raise every year or so like I’d gotten before, of course. But eventually, someone brand new could replace me and get paid half as much.
Working in sales was never something I wanted to do. I’m thankful for this job, as it’s gotten us this far, but taking a position in sales just feels like I’m damning myself to a career I hate. Many people start a different job later in life. I’m not too old that a completely different career change is out of the question. Yet, going back to school is. At least, right now it is.
I’m not quite sure how I’m going to get today’s work done while taking care of everyone. I cleaned the stalls this morning and took Thor on one walk, but I can hear him kicking the side of his stall, wanting out. The last thing we need is for him to re-injure his leg. With a sigh, I get up, taking my computer with me to the barn. Maybe I could read reports while walking Thor and try to kill two birds with one stone. I toss Odin more hay to tide him over while Thor and I are out. Then I balance my laptop on one hand as I lead the pony around with the other.
Of course, it doesn’t work out and after nearly dropping my computer twice, I give up. Cutting Thor’s walk short, I put him away, go back onto the porch, and quickly finish up an hour’s worth of work. Then I can finally head back to the barn. I’m exhausted already, both mentally and physically and I still have two more days of work this week.
“How did you do it?” I ask out loud, thinking of Aunt Kim. She had a job, but she had been retired for the last few years. I know she wasn’t getting enough from retirement to cover the cost of everything here at the farm. She also didn’t have a child to care for and I know from her bank account she didn’t have much left in savings.
Anxiety starts to take over again, choking me like a tight turtleneck sweater. I swallow hard, feeling like my throat is closing up. I shut my eyes, concentrating on wiggling my toes. My feet are sweaty inside my tall rubber muck boots, and it feels gross to scrunch my toes up in my damp socks, but the grossness is a welcome distraction.
Knowing I don’t have time for a meltdown, I suck it up and bring Freya in from the pasture, and put Odin back out. The water trough is empty so I uncoil the long hose, getting dirt all over the front of my thighs from the hose rubbing against me as I drag it outside. Hoping I remember to turn the water off later, I grab a brush and spend the next fifteen minutes brushing Freya.
I go into Thor’s stall next, and it’s not until the pony is practically gleaming that I remember I didn’t turn the water off. Silently cursing to myself, I rush to the other end of the barn to turn off the hose. At least I don’t have a water bill out here in the country.