Let Me Burn (Angel Sands 1)

“When did you last replace the propane?” Ember asked, frowning at the big tan cylinder in front of her.

“I don’t know.” Her mom’s voice was quiet, as though she was expecting an attack. “The propane was always your father’s job. I don’t even know how to check it or disconnect and reconnect it.” Her words ended in a high note, one that sounded perilously close to tears. Swallowing down her own emotions, Ember stood and put her arms around her mom.

“You can’t cry,” she whispered against her cheek. “It’s your birthday. That’s the law.”

“I don’t know why we’re having this stupid party anyway.” Laura sniffed, finally relaxing into Ember’s embrace. “It’s all too fresh, too upsetting. Maybe we should cancel.”

“Of course we shouldn’t cancel,” Ember said, her voice firm. Releasing their embrace, she took a step back, giving her mom a small smile. “We promised Dad, remember? We’d celebrate and have parties the way we always have, because that’s what he wanted.”

“I didn’t know it would be so hard.” Laura shook her head. “It’s the little things, like not being able to light the grill, or being able to find the damn tools. He should have left me a manual or something. How to live life without him.” Her voice broke, and the tears finally started falling. “I don’t know what I’m supposed to do.”

Ember swallowed down her own tears. They didn’t both need to be blubbing out here. She’d lost her father, but her mom had lost her soul mate.

Okay, so Ember had lost more than her father, but it wasn’t time to think about that. She rubbed her mom’s arms, giving her a watery smile as the older lady finally got her sobs under control. Behind her, Ember’s sister walked out of the double glass doors that had been pulled open to let in the warm air. Taking one look at Ember and their mom, she widened her eyes in question.

“Is everything okay?” Chelsea asked.

“Everything’s fine. I’m just going to head out to the store and pick up a new propane tank. This one seems to be acting up.”

“It’s nearly three,” Chelsea pointed out. “Everybody will be here soon.”

“All the more reason for me to go out now.” Ember grabbed her purse from the deck, and pulled her car keys out. “Do we have everything else we need?” she asked her mom.

“I think so.” Laura smiled, and in spite of her tear-stained cheeks, it lit up her face. “Unless you find a good man to bring back with you.” She gave a little laugh at the end to show she was only kidding, but her words still bit into the edges of Ember’s heart.

“With my track record?” Ember replied, keeping her voice light. “I don’t think so.”

“One fiancé doesn’t make a track record,” Chelsea pointed out.

“Ex-fiancé,” her mother said, unknowingly pushing the knife even deeper.

“Yeah, well unless she has a trail of ex-fiancés flipping and flopping in her wake, I think we can safely say it’s not a track record.”

“Either way, I think I’ll be coming back with only the propane.” Ember flashed her sister a smile. Chelsea might have been six years younger, but during the time Ember’s little sister had been away – first at college, and now studying for her first year post-grad – she’d grown up into a beautiful young woman. And more than that, they’d become friends. Those years that had seemed like a chasm when Ember was a teen and Chelsea was still building sandcastles, were so unimportant now.

Switching on the engine in her car, Ember could already feel herself relaxing. The stereo kicked on, Sara Bareilles’ soulful voice feeling like a warm embrace. Backing her car out of the driveway, she maneuvered onto the main road, steering her car in the direction of the small main street that served both as Angel Sands’ business district, and its tourist center.

It had been four months since her father had died, but it still felt so raw. Every time they had to face an important day without him – like her mom’s birthday – it felt as though the wound he’d left within them had been torn open once again, reminding them how starkly they felt his absence.

It had been a terrible few months. First with his pancreatic cancer diagnosis, which came only a few days after Thanksgiving, followed by the prognosis the oncologist had given them, which hadn’t been good at all. It felt as though they’d been mourning him before he’d even passed on – both too long, and yet not enough time at all.

And then there was Will. But she didn’t want to go there. Not today, maybe not any day. In the story of her life, losing him should have come a very far second to her father’s death, and yet it still stung like hell.

No, she wasn’t going to think about Will. Instead she leaned forward and turned up the stereo, letting Sara’s sweet voice surround her. The warm throb of the bass filled her ears, and pushed the dark thoughts out of her mind.

It only took ten

minutes to get to Main Street. Angel Sands was small that way. Growing up, she’d taken this place for granted, assumed that everybody went to the beach after school, and that it didn’t matter where in the world you lived, the air always smelled of salt and ozone.

But when she went away to college in the north of the state that she realized that wasn’t true at all. She’d found herself missing this place, aching to fall asleep to the sound of the surf, needing to feel the constant warmth of the sun as she kicked her way through the waves. It felt natural to return to her home town after graduation and taken up a teaching position at the local elementary. Natural, too, that she’d settled down with a local man – Will Martin – and accepted his proposal.

And look how that turned out.

She steered her car into the parking lot behind Megassey’s. It wasn’t just an old-fashioned hardware store. It was also a treasure trove of memorabilia and odds and ends. Tourists came flocking to look at the old photographs affixed to the walls, and rummage through the vintage souvenirs that Frank Megassey placed proudly on the shelves. In the height of summer, he’d open a soda fountain, and give the Heavenly Ice Cream parlor across the street a run for its money. Like the rest of the stores that lined the pretty main street – complete with painted boards and floral displays – Megassey’s was loved by locals and tourists alike.

Pulling the car door open, Ember stepped out onto the parking lot. The warm air immediately embraced her, heating up her exposed skin, cool after ten minutes in the air-conditioned car. She was wearing her usual summer uniform of shorts and a shirt, this one knotted at her waist to keep it from trailing down past her thighs. Her dark hair was pulled back into a ponytail, exposing her neck. Like everybody around here, she dressed casually. Why bother to make a fuss when you were either going to swim in the ocean or ride a bike in the hills?

They hadn’t quite reached peak tourist season yet. That was a few weeks away, when Memorial Day would usher in a hoard of visitors, and the annual Angel Sands Fair would keep them here; another two firsts without Dad for them all to face. They seemed to be stacking up thick and fast.