“Well the offer’s open.” He winked. “But seriously, from what I know of James, he’s had a lot to go through. I lost my mom years ago and it still affects me. I have no idea how awful it must be to lose your wife and child. Those scars don’t ever heal completely. They change your emotions, your outlook on life, your openness to other people. The kind of hurt he’s experienced is unimaginable. And his first thought is probably to do whatever it takes to never feel that way again.” He brought his soft gaze on Harper. “Including facing his feelings for you.”
Her chest tightened at his words. At the thought of James being in so much pain. She hated it. Wanted to smooth it away with her fingers, to curl herself around him and protect him from all of it.
But she couldn’t. Not if she wanted to protect herself, too. And now there was somebody else to think about. This baby growing inside of her. One day their daughter would want her father’s love. For him to be honest and open with his emotions. She curled her hand protectively against her bump, knowing she’d do whatever it took to make sure her baby never felt the rejection she’d had from a parent.
“So how do we get him to face these feelings?” Caitie asked.
Breck shrugged. “You can’t. It’s up to him to fight his demons. I only fought mine when I thought I was going to lose you. That’s when I pulled my head out of my ass and finally realized the way I’d been living wasn’t going to work any more. Yeah, you can push those feelings down and pretend they’re not there for a while, but eventually that’s gonna rise up and bite you with teeth more painful than the original hurt. It’s the old fight or flight response. You have to learn to fight.”
Caitie released Harper’s hand and slid her arms around Breck’s waist, hugging him. “I’m so glad you fought,” she whispered against his chest.
“Me, too. More than you know.” He kissed the top of her head. “Now why don’t you guys go and grab another coffee and I’ll meet you at the café in a bit?” He slid his finger beneath Caitie’s chin, tipping her head up to kiss her lips. “You did it, baby. You walked along the beach without panicking. I’m proud of you.”
Caitie’s smile shone from her face. “I’m proud of you, too.”
Harper’s heart clenched. This was what she wanted. A relationship full of honesty and vulnerability. And it hurt to know she might not be able to have that with James.
“Come on,” Caitie said, releasing Breck and taking Harper’s hand again. “I think that’s enough therapy for both of us. Let’s go grab a couple blueberry muffins.”
* * *
The arrivals terminal was full of people when James walked into the airport, his car keys shoved in his jeans pocket, his phone curled in his hand. His stomach felt tight, as though he’d done too many sit-ups in the gym.
He really didn’t want to be here. It wasn’t that he disliked Sara’s family. He’d always gotten along well with them whenever they’d visited. But after losing his wife and son, the relationship was another painful reminder, one that made him want to turn on his heels and walk out of the airport as fast as his legs would move.
But of course he didn’t. Instead, he stood at the barrier waiting for an airplane-load of people to spill out into the main terminal. He knew from the monitors that hung above the doors that the flight from Phoenix had arrived twenty minutes earlier. Since they were only here for the day, her family wouldn’t be bringing luggage with them. They should be out any minute, and the thought of it turned his stomach once again.
Any other Saturday and he’d be either checking in with his patients at the hospital, or helping Harper with her work. He’d taken to delivering her dresses to local boutiques to save her the trouble, and the carrying. Right now she was trying to get her apartment ready, and he could be helping her to paint the nursery, or building the crib that her friends had bought her off the registry she and James had spent a night agonizing over.
He let out a mouthful of air, thinking of their last conversation. His middle-of-the-night offer for her to move in. The confused expression on her face when he’d made it.
He still hadn’t figured out how to make it better. But he knew he wanted to. After talking to Lucas he knew for certain that he wanted Harper and their baby in his life. Wanted to take care of them, protect them, and show them how much he cared.
But there was still a gap between them, and he had no idea how to cross it.
The doors opened and a group of people walked out, their voices loud as they chatted together. James swallowed. If he could just get through today, then he’d figure out what to do about his relationship with Harper tomorrow.
It had to be redeemable. Didn’t it?
“James?” a voice called out. Then he saw Alice pushing her mom in a wheelchair, her father shuffling along beside her. She lifted a hand in greeting and he waved back, his teeth pressing together so hard it made the corner of his jaw twitch. Her lips lifted in a half-smile, the same way Sara’s used to whenever he told her a lame joke. It was like a warm up for the full thing, and he found himself wanting to look away.
“Hey,” he said when they reached him. He kissed Alice’s cheek and shook her dad’s hand, then leaned down to hug her mom. “How was your flight?”
“It was good. They gave us priority boarding which was a good help with Mom. And extra legroom for Dad.” Alice smiled. “Thank you so much for meeting us.”
Up close he could see how much Sara’s parents had aged, even in the year since he’d seen them last. He knew from Alice that her mom’s weak hips meant she had to spend most of her time in a wheelchair, and that her dad had a heart scare a few months ago.
But he wasn’t prepared to see how it had affected them. A few years ago they’d been active, their faces lit with joy as they’d held Jacob in their arms for the first time. In the three years since his death, they seemed to have aged two decades, and it cut him to the core.
“I thought we could grab some coffee and head over to the cemetery,” James said, taking the wheelchair from Alice and steering it toward the exit. “Then maybe head back to my place before our reservation at Delmonico’s. Give you all a chance to rest.”
From the looks of Alice’s parents, they were going to need it.
“That sounds perfect.” Alice smiled at him. “We need to be back here at eight for our flight home.”
“That’s fine. I can bring you back right from the restaurant.”
“We appreciate that so much.” Alice put her hand over his as he pushed the wheelchair. “Thank you for all you’ve done.”