“Baby, I swear on my life I’ll never let you go.”
22
“Are you sure about this?” Breck asked, taking her hand as they walked across the ceramic tiles. His voice echoed, bouncing around the room. They were wearing matching white bathrobes, covering up the bathing suits Breck had bought from the hotel boutique. The air around them smelled of chlorine.
The pool was closed for the evening to the guests. But Breck had asked Juan for a favor, and he’d allowed them to have private use of it. It was the only way Caitie would contemplate trying this – there was no way she wanted the hotel guests to witness her reaction.
“I’m not sure,” Caitie admitted, biting her lip. Her stomach was churning like crazy. “How about you?”
“Only if you are,” he said quietly. “I can already feel you shaking. I don’t want to push you into a panic attack.”
“If I don’t do it now, I might never do it.” She took a deep breath, trying to ignore the way the chemicals lingered in her throat. She needed to do this. To prove to herself the water couldn’t hurt her. She was twenty-eight-years-old, a strong, professional woman. She hated having a weakness like this.
It was time to face it.
“Let’s do it.” Breck gave her a smile.
He pushed the double glass doors open and they stepped inside the pool area. The water was gently lapping against the edge of the tile, the glass ceiling dappled with reflections from the surface. Even the walls were covered with intricate mosaics of waves. The sudden assault on her senses made Caitie stop in her tracks.
“You okay?” Breck’s mouth was touching her ear. She could feel his words against her skin.
“Give me a minute.” She closed her eyes, taking in the sounds of the water gently moving in the pool. Breathing in, she inhaled the watery chemical smell. Finally, she opened her eyes. As she looked around, from tile, to water, to Breck, she waited for the familiar palpitations to arrive. For the congestion in her throat to make it difficult to breathe. But the panic stayed away, kept at bay by a combination of determination, and Breck’s steady hold on her.
Was it possible she could actually do this?
“Let’s get a little closer,” she whispered. Breck hesitated. He held her in place, his hand tightly grasping hers.
“Shouldn’t we leave it here for now? I don’t want to push our luck.”
“I want to get closer to the water.” Emboldened by her lack of panic, she stepped forward, pulling a reluctant Breck with her. Strange how their roles had changed within seconds of walking inside.
She took another breath in. This time the chemicals weren’t so disturbing. As though her body was getting used to them. “I want to touch the water.” Even though she whispered her request, the determination was thick in her voice.
“Are you ready for that?”
She looked up at him. Concern radiated from Breck. He wanted to protect her from everything.
“I don’t know,” she whispered. “But you’re the one who said I can’t live like this anymore.”
“I did.”
“So let’s see if I can stand it.”
First one step, then another, and a moment later they were at the edge of the pool. Their reflections danced in the water, the gentle movement distorting them.
Gently, she pulled her hand from his, getting down on her knees to stare at the water. She kept a sensible distance between herself and the edge – not willing to risk an unexpected fall. But still, she was closer to a body of water than she had been since the day of her accident.
“I’m not panicking.” She looked up at him with bright eyes. “I’m okay.”
For the first time since entering the swim area, he allowed himself to smile. Breck squatted down next to her, putting an arm around her shoulders. “You made me promise not to let you go.”
“I think I’m going to dip my toes in.” Excitement bubbled through her. Why had she avoided doing this for so long? Without waiting for a response from Breck, she scrambled until she was sitting, and extended her feet until they were almost touching the surface. She’d barely skimmed the water, the very tip of her toe leaving a trail in its wake. Feeling emboldened, she dipped both of her feet in the pool.
An unexpected image flashed through her mind. The memory so vivid she thought she was there. The riptide coming out of nowhere, pulling her under. Her ten-year-old self no match for the power of the ocean.
“Breck, I need to go.” She could feel the familiar tightening in her chest. The pounding, the speeding, everything inside of her going too fast. Her body froze, unable to move awa
y even though she wanted to. Her hands and thighs started to tremble.