“I should have known you’d be low at this time of year. I should have checked on you. I’m so used to you going away and avoiding things. I never dreamed you’d walk into a hotel full of Christmas cheer and expect to feel okay about things.”
“But I should feel okay,” Breck said. “It’s been years. I’m a grown man. I shouldn’t freak out over a few decorations and a fir tree.”
“Son, you lost your mom the day before Christmas. It’s absolutely normal to feel out of control at this time of year. From what you’ve said, you’re in love with a girl whose life revolves around the holidays. It’s like being a vegan and getting married to a butcher.”
Breck let out a mouthful of air. “I’m all wrong for her. I didn’t even get her a gift. What kind of guy doesn’t think about buying a present for the girl he loves? She could do so much better than me.”
“She could do a damn sight worse.”
“Yeah, well you’re biased.”
“Damn right I am. I’m also feeling a little bit guilty right now. This isn’t all your fault.”
“Guilty?” Breck was incredulous. What the hell did his father have to feel guilty about? “How’d you figure that?”
“I never forced you to face things. That Christmas when you were eighteen and you asked me to pay for you to travel, I jumped at the chance. I’d seen you at your lowest the December before, and I couldn’t stand for you to get so down again. The thought that you’d go and have fun seemed like th
e best idea ever. But you kept doing it. Going away and avoiding Christmas like it was some kind of poison. And I kept helping you do it. So yes, it’s my fault, too. I did it from the best intentions. But we all know those things line the pathway to hell.”
“I’m a grown man, Dad. I think I can take responsibility for being a complete mess.”
David laughed. “Son, you’re not a mess. You did something stupid. There’s a difference.”
Breck squeezed his eyes shut. He could still see Caitie’s face behind his lids. The way she’d stared at him, like he was an asshole. Goddamn it, he was an asshole.
“She’s never going to forgive me,” he whispered. “And she shouldn’t. I did some messed up, terrible things. I broke her heart the night before her brother’s wedding, the one day she needed my support the most.”
“Did you ever think of asking for her support?” David asked.
“What?” Breck frowned. “Why should she give me support? I’m the one who’s supposed to look after her.” Yeah, and look how that turned out.
“Of course she should support you, exactly the same way you support her. A relationship is supposed to be equal, son. After separating from your mother, I learned that the hard way. If you don’t talk to her, how’s she supposed to know how you’re feeling?”
Breck was silent, thinking about his father’s words. Could there be truth in them? The thought of sharing his vulnerability with Caitie, of admitting he was fallible, both thrilled and scared him in equal measure.
“I don’t know…” his voice broke. “Dad, I don’t know how to make it right.”
“Be honest, be open, and tell her how sorry you are. I don’t know if that will make it right, but it has to be better than spending your life surrounded by regrets. And again, I’m talking from experience here.”
For all his life, Breck had been the strong one. Supporting his mom through her illness, then his brother after her death. Even in adulthood, he worked alongside his father, making sure the company he’d founded went from strength to strength. Was it even possible to change that? He wasn’t sure. All he knew was he couldn’t stand feeling like this. He’d spoiled the one precious thing in his life, simply because he was afraid to show who he really was.
“She’s going to hate me.” The truth of his words made him wince. “And she should.”
“Yep, almost certainly,” his dad agreed. He sounded a little too cheerful for Breck’s liking. “But a strong guy like you can take it, can’t you?”
Could he? Breck considered the alternative; living life the way he always had. Strong, silent, alone. The thought of it made him want to throw up.
“Yeah, I can take it.”
“Good. Because otherwise I’d have to change my flight and come beat you up myself. Now, stop feeling sorry for yourself and figure out a way to talk to that girl before you lose her for good.”
As far as Breck was concerned he’d already lost her, and deservedly so. But apart from that, his father was right. He owed her an explanation, and he certainly owed her an apology.
The rest, he’d have to leave up to fate.
* * *
Somehow Caitie had made it through the rest of the day. She fought her way past the questions about the missing groomsman and held her head high when she explained to the staff they’d need one less place setting. She’d even kept it together as the music played and Lucas and Ember had their first dance, staring into each other’s eyes, the love between them palpable. The only person who’d made her stumble was Rachel, and her constant musings about how Breck was feeling. At one point, Rachel talked about going back to Angel Sands after the ceremony to check on him, but luckily Brooke and Ally had persuaded her otherwise.