“Adrienne, I can’t—”
“I said admit it. You shouldn’t have left me when I needed you, and you should have seen it was both our faults that I ended up in hospital. What are we meant to do if not make mistakes together and feel pain together and then comfort each other? That’s what you did for me, remember? Remember?”
I just stare at her, bewildered. It is what I did for her. I helped her confront her mistakes and her pain and I saw her through them to the other side. When I don’t reply she tips her head back and unleashes a strangled scream, the fingers of both hands spread. A cyclist going past turns his head to look at us.
And I realize I’ve been very stupid. She doesn’t want perfect judgment and infallibility. She wants us just to be us together.
I lean against the car and fold my arms. “Princess. You’re being a very, very badly behaved young lady.”
She glares up at me. “Oh, please. I have not yet begun to misbehave. Do you know, I went to bed twice last week without brushing my teeth? I’m going to eat ice cream for dinner tonight and then recite every bad word I know. On the phone. To you. If you don’t pick up I’m going to recite them to your voice mail. Twice.”
I just look down at her, trying not to smile.
“Don’t believe me? Well, I’ll go on. Tomorrow I’m going to come to your office and break all my pencils, and then I’m going to throw a tantrum about them all being broken. I’ll bring my paints and paint fairy castles on your walls, and after that—”
I pull her into my arms and kiss her. Her words become a whimper, and she wraps her arms around me, clinging for dear life. She feels so tense in my arms, as if she’s a bowstring drawn too tight, but as I kiss her, I feel the tension start to melt. My own tension melts along with hers, because I’ve been wound so tightly without her.
Finally she pulls away, her eyes pleading. Before she can start speaking again I whisper, “It was too much, me being your bodyguard and your dom at the same time. That’s what did us in.”
Gripping the lapels of my suit she says, “But you don’t have to choose between protecting me and being my dom anymore. You can just be my dom. Just be mine.”
I think about all the things we’ve achieved these past six months without each other and how we’ve managed to live our lives and even excel in places. But despite how we’ve grown it’s felt hollow to do these things alone, without the other person to share them with.
I stroke my thumb across her lower lip. “You know what, my little brat? It’s been no fun without you, either.”
* * *
“...And this is my office.”
I look around at the sleek, minimalist surfaces, the dark wood, the floor-to-ceiling windows. The Thames and Tower Bridge are sparkling below, bright beneath a dark London sky. It’s been a week since Dieter and I made up next to his car and we’ve seen each other every day since. I’ve taken him to my flat in Clapham and he’s cooked me dinner at his place in London Bridge.
I grin at him. “It’s amazing, Dieter.” I love it for his sake, and I love it for ours, because now we get to spend time together instead of him looking after another principal around the clock.
He strokes my cheek with his thumb. “Thank you, babygirl.”
I’ve got my art folio with me, and I pick it up with a smile. “I’ve got a present for you. A drawing.”
He gives me a skeptical look. “Oh, yes. Are you severing my head or turning me to stone?”
I suspected he used to sneak looks at my sketchbook while I wasn’t looking, and now I’ve been proved right. “Daddy, you’re such a snoop,” I say, leafing through the pages. “Here it is. It’s not finished yet but I’m going to work it up in oils. Not to go in your office, I think, because, well...”
The picture shows the two of us in classical dress, embracing on a dais. He has a strung bow in one hand, and a dove flutters about our heads.
“It’s beautiful, babygirl. Who are we?”
“Penelope and Odysseus, from the Odyssey. You know, after the Trojan war. I kept drawing us as mythical figures when you were my bodyguard, usually with me murdering you, so this new drawing had to be of two people who actually end up together, and happy. They’re so rare. I really had to do some research.”
He points to a dozen bloodied corpses on the floor. “Why are there so many dead bodies?”
I’m particularly proud of those. “Those are all Penelope’s suitors that Odysseus slew with his bow upon returning from war. See, you’re holding it. They represent our trials and tribulations.”
“Babygirl. That’s so romantic.” He says it in both a serious and ironic way, but I can see he likes the drawing.
“Isn’t it? It shall be my graduation piece.”
I’m still admiring the drawing when he puts his hands on my waist and turns me to him. “You know how you talked the other day about me making you impatient to be brave, babygirl? Do you know you do the same for me?”
My breath catches at the look in his eyes. I never had this when he was my bodyguard, because he never seemed to want me to know that I was able to make him feel as happy and secure as he made me feel. All the same, I still can’t quite believe it can be true. “Dieter, you don’t really need me to be brave.”