“I’ve never seen Cale so angry before,” Anouk says. “I didn’t know he could get this angry.”
I did. I saw him angry that day in the farmer’s field, but he didn’t give into it. He’s doing his best not to give into it now. I wonder what happened the night he went back to get Dandelion from Dad. It must have been something to make Dad never shown his face around the circus to get me or the horses back.
Elke comes up on Anouk’s other side and whistles softly. “Oh, boy. Guess we know what happens to anyone who says nasty things about Ryah around Cale.”
My head snaps around. “What?”
She stares balefully at Tanno as he snatches his backpack up and starts to walk away, still yelling epithets at our ringmaster. “It doesn’t bear repeating. Tanno was bitter you wouldn’t be part of his act.”
I feel my face flush and I’m glad it’s dark. Cale did this for me? “I’m glad Tanno’s gone if he’s going to be mean. Cale would have chucked Tanno out if he’d talked that way about either of you, too.”
My face burns harder as I add that last part. No one said he wouldn’t.
Thankfully the other two don’t notice. There’s a warm feeling chasing its way through my body, and every time I try to catch it and tell it to calm down, it evades me and just gets more and more excited.
He did this for me.
Everyone is restless and mills about for the next hour, and people don’t begin to calm down until Gorran gets the fire going again and starts cooking.
Finally, when the food is ready, I see Cale. He comes out of his wagon and heads for the fire. A few people pat him on the back and tell him he did the right thing, but he looks grim and distracted and doesn’t respond to them. He eats quickly, talking quietly to Gorran, and then washes his things up and heads for his wagon again.
I get up and hurry after him. When he hears me calling his name, he stops and turns around, but almost reluctantly. He won’t look me in the eye.
“Hey,” I say softly, twisting my fingers together and wondering what to say. Are you okay? seems weird and thank you for what you did seems too presumptuous. I don’t I want to hear him say, I didn’t do it for you. It’s too precious a feeling. No one’s ever protected me like that before.
In the end, I settle for, “Did he hurt you?”
Cale shakes his head, his jaw tight. He seems really angry and won’t look at me. I feel sick, because maybe this is my fault. I didn’t mean to make Tanno talk about me or attack Cale.
“Ryah.”
When I look up, there’s a strange expression on Cale’s face. His jaw works for a moment, and then he asks, “Your father. Did he ever touch you? I mean, I know he did, I saw your black eye. But did he ever…”
I frown, confused, because I don’t know why he’s suddenly talking about Dad. “Like hug me, or…?”
Cale squeezes his eyes shut, like it’s taking every ounce of strength in his body to keep talking. “Your mum was gone, and it was just the two of you in the house for years. He was drunk a lot. Did he hurt you in other ways, too?”
Suddenly the pieces click into place, and I realize what he’s asking. Did Dad abuse me sexually. “No. Nothing like that. Why are you asking?”
Cale’s shoulders droop in sudden relief, and his face clears. “Nothing. Never mind. Are you okay? I’m sorry if you were scared before.”
He finally meets my eyes, and I get that same feeling that I do when his knives are in his hands and my back against the target. Like I’m safe. That he’s doing everything in his power to protect me.
I step a little closer, and that kiss we shared, accidental or on purpose, flickers through my mind. I reach up and place a hand on his jacket, right over his heart. “I’m fine, thanks to you.”
Though he’s standing close to me, there’s a guarded expression in his eyes. I don’t want to cause trouble or make him angry. I just want to press my mouth against his and feel him kiss me back.
Maybe that’s trouble, though. Maybe that’s the worst sort of trouble.
He cups my cheek, and his thumb brushes my lower lip. They part as sensation crashes through me, and he takes a shuddering breath. “Good. I’m glad to hear it. Now, go back to the fire. It’s freezing out here.”
Cale drops his hand and he starts to turn away. Whenever I think about Cale, whenever I’m near him, I just want more. His touch, his affection. His smiles. I wish I knew what he sees when he looks at me. A seventeen-year-old girl who’s completely naïve about the world, probably. Someone who’s caused him nothing but trouble since she got here, even if it’s not on purpose. He’s always watching me when I’m near him. I guess he’s worried I’m going to hurt myself or need saving again. It must be exhausting for him.
“I’m glad Tanno’s gone. I didn’t like him.”
Cale turns back to me. “You didn’t?”
“No. He was really pushy about me trying out things with him. Seeing the whip in his hands made me feel…” I think for a moment, and then shudder. “I didn’t like the way he looked when he was holding it.”