“How are you doing?” I ask, because we haven’t talked much lately.
Cale thinks for a moment, tapping his foot against a log. “Would you think me a terrible person if I told you I’m starting to feel better? I know I’m probably not acting like it, but I’ve been thinking about Mirrie and the killer’s confession, and everything seems to be getting…lighter.”
“I can see that. You must feel like Mirrie’s going to get justice at last.”
“Yes, exactly.”
There are hills beyond the wagons, though we can’t see them in the darkness. As Cale stares in their direction, I wonder if he sees Red Hill, as bare with winter now as it must have been then.
“I feel hopeful for the first time in years, like things might finally be able to move forward.” He gazes around at the night sky and takes a deep breath of the evening air. “Spring’s coming. I didn’t expect to, but I think I might be looking forward to this year.”
Cale wraps an arm around my shoulder, presses a kiss against my forehead and murmurs, “Happy birthday. Thank you for being here. Thank you for everything you do.”
I watch him get up and walk to his wagon, wishing I knew exactly what it was he’s thankful for.
I sit alone in front of the dying fire for a long time, the camp silent around me. A movie plays in my head, a happy, fanciful thing in which Cale kisses me often, and we’re together always. The sun is shining and we’re with the circus, but we’re a family, too. There’s a small child holding Cale’s hand, and a baby in my arms. Tears of longing fill my eyes. It’s something I’ve never known before. Belonging to someone and having them belong to you. Making a little circle of two, three, four. I have more love and happiness in my heart than I ever thought possible, and yet foolishly, I want more.
It’s dangerous to hope, and I haven’t forgotten that in a few months we’ll be passing my old home. I’ll have to face all those old memories, or even worse, my father.
I spend the last hours of my eighteenth birthday with tears dripping down my face. The campfire dies and I’m left in darkness. Finally, I go to bed.
In the days that follow, I try to focus on the circus. Cale’s been calling his mum every day, and with each phone call he seems to grow lighter. It’s as if invisible weights are dropping from his shoulders, one by one. Weights that I didn’t even know he was carrying when I met him. I start to see a new Cale. An almost carefree Cale. There are going to be difficult times ahead, but the end is in sight for all the grief he and his parents have carried in their hearts.
One day he comes back from making a phone call with an odd expression in his eyes. Apprehensive, but excited.
When I ask him if everything’s all right, he tells me, “Bernie Sharrock is appearing in Cardiff Magistrate’s Court on Tuesday. He’s entering his guilty pleas.”
Chapter Twenty-Two
Cale
Ryah comes forward and grips my arm. “Cale, that’s wonderful news.”
I shake my head, smiling ruefully, still unable to believe it. “Apparently he wouldn’t shut up about some of the murders he committed. There was a woman called Lily Hughes—”
“Leri Hughes,” she corrects me.
I look at her in surprise. I didn’t realize s
he was following the case so closely.
“I read about her in the papers,” Ryah explains. “They recovered her body last week.”
“That’s right. Sharrock led the police to where he buried her.” I push both hands through my hair, marveling at these developments. After years and years of nothing, everything seems to be happening at once. “I don’t understand why he’s being so cooperative, but I’m elated that he is.”
“Maybe he’s hoping he’ll get a reduced sentence?”
“I don’t know. He’s facing life no matter what happens now, surely.” Whatever’s left of his sorry life, anyway. He’s sixty-four. Thank god the police got to him in time before he died. Mum told me he doesn’t look healthy in the pictures she’s seen. Maybe he really is just tired of it all. You and me both, asshole.
“How are we getting to the hearing?”
Ryah’s question pulls me out of my reverie. “Hmm? We?”
She gives me a smile that makes her blue eyes dance. “Of course we. I’m coming too, partner.”
I look down into her beautiful face. My partner’s face. I want her there more than anything.
“He’s being charged with four rapes and murders,” I say gently. “What if they go into details? I don’t want you to have to sit through all that.”