“I felt that, too. Like we were connected.”
“I’m so happy I ran away with you,” I whisper, gazing at him. He kisses me softly, showing me how he feels about his runaway.
Sometime later, I slowly, reluctantly, draw myself out of Cale’s arms and from his bed. I have to dress once again in my catsuit, and I give my lover one last kiss before slipping from his wagon. In the dark, I hurry across the grass to my own.
Elke and Anouk are fast asleep, and I hold my breath until I’m safely between the sheets. I don’t think I could have pretended that everything was normal if they’d woken up and asked where I’ve been for hours and hours.
It’s so delicious to share this secret with Cale. Over the following days, our eyes catch each other’s often. We might only exchange the merest of glances, but they’re charged with happiness and pleasure. I remember all over again the sight of his naked body over mine. The muscles of his chest. His glossy black hair falling around his face as he made love to me. I know he’s remembering that night, too. I long to be with him like that again.
As we tend the horses, his hand lingers on my waist or he surreptitiously brushes my fingers. Every now and then I’ll be absorbed in a task behind the wagons or shielded from view by the trees, and a hand will land on my shoulder, turn me around, and then Cale will be kissing me. Hot, desperate kisses that leave me gasping. Sometimes he picks me up in his arms and presses me against the side of a wagon or a tree trunk and grinds his pelvis against mine as he bites down on my lip. He whispers filthy things in my ear like how he wants to lick me till my legs shake and then fill my pussy with his come. Then he walks nonchalantly away as if nothing happened, and I have to take deep breaths and scramble to remember what I was doing.
The circus is busy with shows and Cale’s time seems always in demand from this person or that. We haven’t got the chance to be alone properly together until two weeks later.
There’s no show, and so everyone gathers around the fire for a companionable dinner. I sit with Anouk and Elke and we talk about how spring is here, and it’s still light at nearly seven in the evening and the air is mild rather than chilly. Some of my attention is always on Cale, who’s talking and laughing on the other side of the circle with Gorran and Arvid. Every now and then I feel his eyes graze over me, and though I’m looking at my friends, I lose track of whatever they’re saying.
“Ryah?”
I look into Anouk’s perplexed eyes. “Sorry, what was that?”
Anouk and Elke exchange looks. My face heats as I recognize that some subtext is passing between them.
Elke puts a hand on my knee and speaks in a low voice, like she’s addressing someone in a sickroom. “Are you all right, Ryah? You seem distracted lately. You’re not upset about the way the hearing went, are you? Cale seems to be handling it well.”
We all look over at Cale, who’s shaking with laughter over something Arvid has said. Gorran has bent double with mirth, his huge frame quivering. I can’t help but smile myself, looking at them. It was just a few weeks ago that Cale was hollow and bleak with heartbreak, but look at him now.
Elke and Anouk watch me grin like an idiot, more confused than ever. I hastily clear my throat and look down at my empty plate to gather my thoughts. “No, I’m fine.”
It’s not that I want to keep secrets from my friends. I will tell them about me and Cale, eventually. When I feel brave enough to admit that I’m head over heels for their ringmaster. I worry that they’ll take it badly. He belonged to everyone here long before he belonged to me.
Not that he belongs to me. Not officially, though I long to hear him call me his.
Elke and Anouk are still staring at me, and I know I have to give them something. “I’m…just thinking about the summer ahead. What the future holds.” It’s not a lie. I am thinking about my future; with Cale, if I have one, and also where the circus will go in the months to come. I dread the thought of passing by the house where I used to live.
Elke’s chin hardens with righteous anger. “We won’t let him get near you. Cale won’t let him hurt you, don’t worry about a thing.”
He won’t, will he? I glance up at Cale through my lashes, feeling my eyes prickle with emotion and my throat thicken. I can rely on Cale completely, and that’s almost as overwhelming as when he first held me in his arms. I wonder when I’ll get accustomed to feeling safe. Feeling cherished. I think it will take a long, long time.
People start peeling off one by one to go to their wagons o
r into the village for a drink at the pub. I linger by the fire, and so does Cale. Eventually, he wanders over to me, an expression of mild surprise on his face, as if to say, Oh, you’re still here, too. What a coincidence.
I smile as he looks down at me, and I see similar amusement flickering around his mouth.
“Sleepy?” he asks me. To anyone listening in, it would sound like an innocent question.
“Not at all. Want to practice?”
Again, a perfectly innocent question, but Cale’s gaze sharpens as it drops to my mouth. He hasn’t kissed me for several days and I can tell he’s as hungry to feel his lips against mine as I am.
We get up nonchalantly and make our way over to the big top, chatting about the mild evening air. Awareness of him crackles through me as my sleeve brushes his.
As soon as the tent flap closes behind us, he scoops me up in his arms and kisses me.
“I’ve been going mad for you,” he gasps against my mouth.
“Me, too,” I say between his flurry of kisses.
He pulls my T-shirt up and the lace cup of my bra down, too impatient to undress me to take my nipple in his mouth. I wrap my legs around his waist and arch into him. There’s a fierce ache in my core that can only be sated by him.