“How was she today?” Since they were already talking about it, he might as well get his daily update. The fact that his brothers were hanging on their every word didn’t even matter. There were no secrets in this family anyway.
It was annoying at times, the way they all knew each other’s business, but he was also glad for it. His parents had been calling and visiting Raina ever since she left the hospital and he’d even heard that Bennett had dropped by to bring her the DVD box set of some show they both enjoyed. It was reassuring to know that no matter what, his family considered her one of theirs.
He wanted that for her whether she forgave him or not.
“Well, she was able to keep her pill down. So that was a win. She’s pissed that Sam won’t give her back her cell phone. I told him to keep her away from electronics so she won’t work. But I’m also kind of paying her back for stealing my phone when I was in the hospital. She even had my cell phone number changed so Jackson couldn’t call me. Talk about overbearing.”
Nick smiled, remembering. “That’s my girl.”
“Is she your girl? Because you’re not acting like it.” Ridley put the platter down on the side table against the wall.
“She thinks I don’t love her. She thinks I was just using her. I’m not sure how to prove that love exists to someone who doesn’t believe in it. I tried that already and you saw what happened.”
He dropped his cards on the table. There was no point playing a game of chance when he knew from experience that Lady Luck was definitely not on his side.
* * * * *
RAINA MIXED THE cupcake batter, watching with obsessive interest as the butter and sugar blended into the flour mixture. She turned the speed up on the electric mixer a little and then stopped it. She’d already prepared the cupcake pan with colorful pink and blue liners.
After swiping a bit of stray mix from the edge of the bowl with her finger for a taste, she poured the mixture into the cupcake pan. She was careful to leave room for them to expand at the top.
She’d learned her lesson about that the hard way.
A giggle bubbled up as she remembered the look on Nick’s face when he’d seen her monster muffins. Just as quickly, her smile faded. Her anger at Nick had disappeared over the the last few days.
Or maybe she just missed him so much that she didn’t care about being mad anymore.
It was only eight o’clock and she was already on her third batch of cupcakes. The past few days she hadn’t gone out or responded to calls or emails. Sam respected her privacy and left her to stew, only bothering her to make sure she ate her three meals a day.
If it hadn’t smacked of desperation, she would have asked him to hang out with her. He wouldn’t mind, he’d even said so. But every time she was about to ask him she changed her mind. He was her security chief, not one of the girls. He shouldn’t have to navigate her hormonal surges or placate her in the midst of her depression.
Maybe you deserve to be depressed.
Every time she thought about how she’d treated Nick, she wondered if her feelings were just what she deserved. She’d accused Nick of being selfish but most of the time they’d been together, Nick had put her needs before his own. He’d rearranged his schedule and habits to try to help her get pregnant. He’d stopped riding his motorcycle because it scared her. Would a selfish guy do that?
Over and over again, he’d put her needs first. She’d accused him of using her for his own gain but how could he when he’d never even asked her for anything? He admitted he’d thought about it, but he’d never done anything to draw attention to himself or play off her fame while they were together. He’d had many opportunities to do that if he’d wanted to. But he’d been at home with her every night, cooking her dinner and making her laugh.
Raina stood in the middle of her kitchen, looking around at the mess she’d made as if seeing it for the first time. Nick had been wrong about a lot of things, but he’d been right about her.
I don’t make it easy for people to love me.
Hadn’t she reached for the phone several times that day to call Ridley, only to stop herself before she could dial? She’d reasoned that her sister was finally happy with Jackson and didn’t need to be dragged down with Raina’s problems. But those were just excuses.
Excuses not to reach out.
Before she could change her mind, she picked up her cell phone and hit the second speed dial.
“Raina! I’m so glad you called. I’ve been so worried about you. I’ve been calling and calling and no one picked up.”
“I know. I’m sorry. I’ve been dodging everyone’s calls.”
“Are you all right?”
“No. I’m not. I think I’m not. I need you, Ri.”
“Oh, sweetie. I’m coming over right now. See you in a minute.”
Ten minutes later, Ridley knocked on the door. Raina pulled it open and gestured for her sister to come inside. “Hey. Sorry about calling you out of the blue like that. I hope I wasn’t interrupting anything.”