The stark truth was that he’d sustained a serious injury, one that had been exacerbated greatly by his actions in pulling his friend to safety. She couldn’t even imagine the agony he must have endured to somehow keep a grip on his friend’s body. In fact, dragging his friend for such a distance was probably what had caused the shoulder dislocation in the first place.
It broke her heart that someone heroic enough to try to save a friend was paying the price by losing his dreams. It just wasn’t fair.
She knocked and after a long wait, Matt opened the door. Before he said anything, she opened the screen door and hugged him. He shook in her arms and Penny didn’t look at him, afraid that he might be crying. He wouldn’t want her to see that.
“I’m not here to talk. You can just go back to whatever you were doing. I just want to be with you. Is that okay?”
He nodded against her hair and shut the door. Penny took his hand and led him back into the living room. His hair was rumpled and when she saw the blankets on the couch, she realized he must have been asleep.
“Go back to your nap. I’ll just watch TV.”
He stared at her for a long time, then pulled her forward. The soft kiss on her forehead touched her heart.
While Matt settled back in his corner of the couch, Penny dropped her bag and kicked off her shoes. She took the remote he handed her and curled up on the other end of the sofa. She finally settled on a documentary about deep-sea fishing. Before long, her lashes grew heavy and she closed her eyes with a sigh.
“No, Cyrus! You have to help him.”
Penny woke with a start. Matt thrashed at the other end of the couch, one of his legs striking her in the side. She sat up and shook his shoulders gently.
“Wake up, Matt. You’re having a nightmare.” He woke, wild-eyed and breathing hard, one hand clutching his shoulder.
“It’s okay. You’re at home.” She stroked his arm gently. His breathing slowed.
“I was dreaming,” he repeated. He flopped back against the cushions of the couch and rubbed his shoulder.
Penny waited until his breathing was normal and he’d lost the manic look in his eyes before asking, “Who’s Cyrus?”
Matt froze. His eyes lifted to hers. Her heart ached at the dead look in his eyes. The hand on his shoulder tightened. “He was the friend I couldn’t save.”
Penny’s heart ached anew. “I’m so sorry, Matt.”
He met her eyes. “He was a good guy. We were both planning to be Rangers. We had our whole lives mapped out.”
“That’s why it’s so important to you? As a way to honor your friend?” That would be just like Matt. He was the most honorable guy she knew.
“Partly. I had so many plans for the future. When I joined the Army, it was a revelation for me. I’d finally found something I was good at.”
Penny’s surprise must have shown on her face because he laughed for the first time. Some of the tension left his body. She took the opportunity to sit next to him on the couch and snuggle up under his arm.
“I can’t imagine you not being good at everything, Ace,” she teased.
“I wasn’t always this competitive. In high school I wasn’t a great student like you, and I was only an average athlete. I wasn’t exceptional in any way. That was something I had to accept a long time ago. I’m not the most talented guy, but there’s nothing to stop me from being the hardest worker. That’s why I’m so competitive and why I work so hard to master every skill I can. That’s my only advantage. My determination. It’s the only thing that sets me apart.”
Penny stroked his shoulder. His skin was still slightly damp. “It’s not the only thing. I know I’ve given you a hard time about your ego, but truthfully, you’re not arrogant at all. You’re honorable, Matt Simmons. You care. A lot of people don’t. You’ve gone above and beyond to take care of me, and I know you’ve always taken care of your sister. I suspect we’re not the only ones in your life that you look out for.”
She pulled him to her, allowing him to settle his head against her breast.
“That’s what sets you apart. Your heart.”
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
MATT SAT IN the cab of his truck Wednesday afternoon, chewing furiously on a piece of grape-flavored gum. He dropped his head down to the steering wheel. He’d spent all of Tuesday on the couch, eating ice cream and feeling sorry for himself. Penny had come over and stayed with him again that night. She had to be getting tired of him. He was tired of himself.
He’d tried to hype himself up for his appointment. Just because he wasn’t going to heal fast enough to be eligible for reenrollment didn’t mean he could give up on treatment. He still needed to get better. He’d been sitting here in his truck for the past hour, trying to get up the nerve to go in. To move forward with his life. But despite it all, his mind just kept repeating It was all for nothing on an endless loop in his mind.
He wanted to punch something so badly but couldn’t, so he squeezed the steering wheel until the leather squeaked beneath his fingers. It was just so hard to accept that all this time and effort wasn’t enough to make his dreams come true. Even though he was under time pressure, the truth was he’d had a year to heal. It was a cop-out to blame it on lack of preparation or time. It just wasn’t going to happen. Probably ever.
Maybe it was time for him to face it.