It was still a little weird to sing by herself. She’d grown up singing in the church choir and had performed with her friends for years. But it was only recently that she’d started singing solo. It was exhilarating and wonderful. It was also incredibly scary.
There weren’t many things she was good at. Kay considered herself a good cook and great mother. But there was only one area of her life where she never entertained insecurity. One thing she knew she could do better than just about anyone else, without question.
Sing.
Kay knew she had the voice. It was all the rest she was worried about. She wasn’t fashionable and she wasn’t thin. These were things that shouldn’t have mattered but did. People expected their pop stars to be glamorous. Kaylee wasn’t glamorous.
But she knew what it was like to hope for something more. That was what her songs were about. It had taken months and her best friend Sasha threatening to do it herself before Kay had worked up the nerve to show Jackson any of her music. The songs she’d written were personal and it wasn’t easy to open them up to criticism. But Sasha was right. Kay didn’t want to record other people’s songs. If she didn’t put herself out there, she’d never know if she had what it took. More importantly, she wouldn’t have an album that felt like it was truly hers.
The glass door to the recording booth opened and Jackson entered. He crossed the room and stood next to her for a few moments before speaking.
“Kay, we don’t have to do this song if you’re not ready. We’re actually a little ahead of schedule, so if you need to just take a day, it’s cool.”
“No, I really want to record this today. It’s just the first time I’ve sung it in front of anyone.”
“It’s a great song. The title, “Don’t Stay So Far From Me”—I’m assuming it’s personal?”
She couldn’t look at him as she nodded. Sharing her voice was like breathing. It was as natural as talking and walking. She’d been doing it her whole life. But her songs had never been public before. She’d always written in the seclusion of her room, keeping her songs as a private record of her innermost thoughts and feelings. Sharing them now, even with people she liked and respected, was difficult.
“It gets easier, you know. Putting your heart on paper. I originally told Ridley I loved her through a song I’d written. I’m not even sure I knew what I was saying myself when I wrote it.”
“She loves you just as much.” Kay smiled thinking of Jackson’s wife, a sweet girl who’d become a close friend over the past year.
Jackson inclined his head. “He cares about you, too. I can tell.”
Kay pasted a smile on her face but didn’t comment. She couldn’t talk about Eli with him. It was his brother. Of course he would assume the best.
On New Year’s Eve, after having a few too many glasses of champagne, she’d made a list of things she wanted to change in her life. Her relationships with her parents were at the top of the list. Next was being brave enough to show Jackson some of the songs she’d written. She’d already accomplished that one. Jackson had done so much for her by giving her a chance and helping her at every stage of recording this album. She wouldn’t badmouth his brother to him.
The last one was to open herself up to the possibility of love. Eli had kissed her on Christmas Day, and just like every other time she remembered it, her body flooded with heat. She shivered thinking about his strong arms around her. For one shining moment, she’d thought he wanted her.
But then he’d left and gone back to his house in Northern Virginia the next day. There were very few things he could have done that would have pushed his point home more clearly than that. Throwing herself at him had only embarrassed them both. She had been caught up in a fairy tale for the past year. Elliott Alexander wasn’t interested in her. He never would be.
It was time to move on.
She looked out to the control room. Mac watched with sympathetic eyes. Did she really look that bad? Like a scared little girl afraid of what everyone would think? But she was scared. Scared that people would make fun of her, and worse, that no one would even care enough to do that and she’d just fade back into obscurity.
But fear hadn’t gotten her anything so far. Maybe it was time to try bravery on for size.
“No, I’m good. Let’s do this.”
Jackson started to protest, but something he saw in her eyes must have convinced him she was ready. He left the room and took a seat behind the recording console again. He put his own headphones back on and then gave Kay the thumbs-up.
When the music playback started, Kay closed her eyes and pushed all the negative thoughts away. As she sang the familiar lyrics, all the rest of it ceased to matter. It had been really difficult to sing such personal music at first, but now it was easier than she could have ever expected. This song reflected her experiences and her pain. Singing about it was second nature at this point.
She sang throughout the first verse and then added a few new riffs to the chorus they’d already recorded. Every time she sang, it got easier to be in front of an audience. To be the one that everyone was looking at.
“That was amazing.” Jackson’s voice came through her headphones again and Kaylee smiled gratefully. He motioned for her to come in the control room, so she took off her headphones and walked through the glass doors separating them.
“Come here, I want you to hear this.” Jackson moved over so she could sit next to him. He hit a few keys and playback started. Kay nodded her head to the beat as the familiar music came over the sound system.
“What you just did in there…” Jackson ran his hands through his hair. “We’re about ninety percent of the way there with this track. I don’t know how you do that. It’s
almost too easy.”
Kay’s smile felt like it would stretch around her head it was so big. “So we can finish the song tonight?”
Mac nudged her affectionately. “We can probably finish two songs tonight if you keep singing the way you have been.”