CHAPTER TWELVE
“SO, DID YOU enjoy the class? It’s pretty intense at first,” Eli asked as they drove away from the gym, Hope safely buckled into the backseat.
Kay shot him an incredulous look. “Intense is walking up a few flights of stairs. That was taking my life in my hands. I could barely breathe, and I didn’t even do the whole class. It was still fun though.”
They shared a chuckle at the thought. He’d noticed her slumped down in the corner when he’d first entered the studio but had chosen not to mention it. He’d assumed she hadn’t enjoyed the class due to her murderous look when he’d first seen her.
“Janet’s been teaching dance classes for years. She always loved to dance, even in high school.”
He could feel Kay’s eyes on him, but he didn’t dare turn to look at her. Just the heat of her gaze on his skin was dangerous enough.
Eli knew he’d shocked Kay. Her face was so expressive. She’d been completely stunned when he introduced her to Janet. She’d also seemed a lot more relaxed and comfortable after meeting her. Janet had given him a sly look behind Kay’s back and a thumbs-up. She’d apparently figured out the real reason he’d wanted her to meet Kay. Not that he minded.
“That’s your idea of perfect, huh?” she whispered.
He knew what she was really asking. If that was his idea of perfect, then how did he feel about her? Was she perfect?
“It is. Healthy, strong, curvy, and loving life. It doesn’t get any better than that.” His fingers tightened around the steering wheel, the truth making him feel uncharacteristically vulnerable. His answer was way too revealing, but Kay needed to hear it more than he needed to protect himself.
Kay was quiet for a few minutes. They turned off the highway and onto the quiet residential streets leading to his house.
“I need to understand why.”
Her quiet plea got his attention. “What?”
“The why of it. I need to know why we can’t be together. You can’t just keep telling me that you’re not good for me. Because as soon as you do that, you turn around and do things like this. Perfect things. Things that make me fall for you all over again.”
Eli’s heart banged an extra rhythm in his chest. The ache in her voice was a killer. Second only to the tears sparkling in her eyes.
“Kay—” Her name from his lips was a ragged plea. For her to stop, for her to keep going. Hell, he had no idea.
“Do you know what Danny and I were talking about in the restaurant that night? Before everything happened?” she interrupted. She turned from the window to face him. Damn, she was magnificent, so strong and resolute as she faced off with him.
He shook his head.
“We were talking about how much it sucks to have your heart held hostage. To be stuck in a holding pattern, waiting to see if the person you care for will ever see you the same way. Will ever want you the same way.”
“Wanting isn’t the problem, Kay. It never has been. You know I want you. More than my next breath.”
“Do you honestly think that helps? Knowing that you want me as much as I want you, but I still can’t have you. It’s torture, Eli. Telling me to move on doesn’t make me forget. If you want me to have even a chance to move on, help me understand. Tell me what you’ve done that’s so horrible.” She looked at him and the tears in her eyes almost broke him. “It would be so much easier if I could hate you. Even just a little.”
Eli realized then that he’d made a mistake keeping her in the dark. It had been nothing more than his own narcissism, his own egotistical desire to keep her love, to have her look at him like he was her hero, that had kept him silent. He had the means to help her get over him, and he’d just been too selfish to use it.
The truth. All he had to do was tell her the truth. She’d never look at him the same way again.
“You’re right. I’ve been keeping things from you and that ends tonight. I’ll tell you everything. Then you’ll understand.”
And she’d finally be free.
DINNER WAS MAINLY a silent affair. Kay shoveled in the chicken breast she’d sautéed, trying to hurry up and get to the part where he told her his story. They’d both showered and changed clothes as soon as they got home, and then Eli had disappeared while she made dinner. They hadn’t spoken the entire time. Hope seemed to sense the tension because she was cranky and cried off and on while Kay was trying to feed her.
“Do you want some of mine?” Eli held out a small piece of chicken on his fork. To Kay’s surprise, Hope immediately leaned forward.
“Careful,” Eli crooned. He allowed Hope to take the bite and then pulled back. “It’s just a small piece. That’s okay, right?”
Kay nodded. “I’m just surprised she took it. I always have to trick her into eating when she’s cranky like this.”
“I think it’s just the novelty of having me feed her. Here, let me try.” He held out his arms and Kay allowed Hope to crawl into his lap. He grinned down at the baby and fed her tiny pieces from his plate. Hope stared up at him the entire time, seemingly fascinated.