Want Me (Mess with Me 4)

“No, that’s not what I mean. You don’t only need great sex. The reason you’re unhappy is because you want more than that. But right now you’re stuck in this rut because you think you can’t find that chemistry with anyone else. We need to prove you can. You need to find a new source of great sex.”

“How do you propose we do that? It’s not like I can just Door Dash it.”

“Yeah, I wish. Can you imagine if you could order great sex like fast food? Well, some of those names are kind of suggestive anyway. In-N-Out? Five Guys? What else would you need that many guys for?”

“Well, they’re no competition for McDicks,” I remind her.

“Booty King.”

“Dick in the Box.”

“Long John Ding-Dong.” Ariana snorts with laughter as soon as she says it.

That’s all it takes for both of us to lose it. Ariana howls with laughter until tears are streaming from her eyes. I’m not much better especially since I start giggling every time I think of how much Law loves Long John Silvers. Mrs. Abernathy turns around and gives us both a grumpy glare and I have to slap a hand over my mouth to quiet down.

Ari wipes the tears from her eyes. “I’m sure there’s a great lesbian joke about tacos waiting to happen but I can’t find it. I’m losing my touch.”

Mrs. Abernathy carries over a tray with a platter of something that looks like mini-doughnuts. The smell reaches my nostrils before she even sets it down. I’m reaching for one before I can remind myself about the diet I’m supposed to be on.

Whatever. I guess I’ll start over next week.

“I’m disappointed. You missed a great opportunity to say Dick-Fil-A,” Mrs. Abernathy comments in a raspy voice that makes me feel like I need to clear my own throat.

Ari’s hand pauses mid-air with a doughnut dangling. “You heard that?”

She grunts. “There’s nothing wrong with my hearing. I just don’t care to listen to most people’s bullshit.”

We watch in silence as she ambles to the front door and grabs the cane leaning against the wall. A second later, the door slams behind her as she leaves.

Ari yells, “I’m starting to understand why your family doesn’t visit!”

The cackle of laughter that comes back makes us both smile.

“Okay that was hilarious. Also these fried doughnut things are really good.” I take another and munch happily.

There’s nothing like sweet, carb-heavy delights when you’re having a crisis.

“She’s cranky but she’s a great cook.” Anya licks her fingers and then leans back on the couch. “Maybe there’s a lesson in there for you.”

I pause mid-chew. “A lesso

n that I need to be more cranky?”

“Not exactly. More assertive? Possibly.”

Being more assertive? Not likely. I’m sure it’s not that hard to be a go-getter if you have a strong personality like Ariana but for me, not so much. It’s a huge part of why I’m such a great office manager. I like making sure everyone has what they need. I’m a people pleaser. I always have been.

That’s not going to change easily.

“Well, I told Law that his all men hate marriage theory was bullshit. Then I left. That’s about as assertive as I get.”

Suddenly I get a mental image of me as a doormat while Law wipes his shoes on me. I thought I was sticking up for myself by walking out today but really, what did that accomplish? I didn’t even tell him I was leaving face-to-face, instead sending an email like a coward.

No doubt Law is just going to ignore the whole thing until I lose steam and forgive him. Isn’t that the way things always go?

“Hey now, don’t look like that. I wasn’t saying that as a bad thing.” Ariana grins. “I’m just pointing out our starting point. That’s why you’re here, right?”

“I’m here because I have no idea what I’m doing.”