“Not true. Mya always says you have more energy than the rest of the office combined and that you keep track of a million details without breaking a sweat. All we have to do is channel that badassery on your behalf. We are going to organize the hell out of your dating life.”
Her energy is contagious and I push my shoulders back, ready to banish this blah feeling. Ari’s right. I use my multitasking prowess for everyone else everyday. It’s time I use a little bit of that mojo for myself.
“I’m not sure I have much of a dating life to work with but I’m game.”
Ariana holds up her hand for a high five. “Yes. Now the first thing you do when you clean up is take out the trash.”
It takes a minute before I understand her point but once it’s out there, it hangs over my head like a raincloud.
“Yeah. I guess it’s time. And after that?”
Ari tilts her head thinking. “We need to figure out how to ease you back into single life. I’m not sure if you’d like the club scene. Maybe we should start smaller, like going out for drinks.”
Remembering Mya’s request this afternoon, I take a deep breath.
Out of the frying pan and into the fire.
“What about the launch party for the hottest new dating app? Want to be my date?”
Ariana laughs. “Hell yeah. But if I have my way, you definitely won’t be coming home with me.”
I don’t send the text to Law until I’m at home. Maybe I thought the extra time would help me figure out how to do it but in the end, I go with the usual crap.
We need to take a break.
I need some space.
These are standards for a reason. Short. To the point. Non-accusatory while still being clear.
The phone rings and Law’s picture flashes on the screen. With a sigh, I silence the call. I can’t talk to him right now. If I talk to him, he’ll just convince me to come over and I’ll end up backtracking.
No. I get up, determined to find something productive to do. Despite just flushing the last two years of my life down the toilet, I refuse to wallow. I still have a life to lead. There are chores to be done and other people who need me.
However, as I clean my apartment, it’s obvious that the main person who needed me has now left a conspicuously large hole in my life. The time after work I’d usually spend at the grocery store and planning our dinner is now filled with washing clothes and reorganizing my closet. The evening that would normally be spent with Law hanging out or making love is now going to be just me on my couch. Frantically I try to remember whether I canceled my cable.
Crap. I did.
Okay so the evening will now be spent figuring out all the ways I’ve neglected my own place while spending so much time with Law.
It’s while in the middle of sorting through a month’s worth of mail that it finally hits me.
We’re really done.
The tears that threaten infuriate me. Why am I crying over a man that doesn’t want me? Correction, he wants me for sex but not for life. I may have spent the last year in fantasyland but now my feet are firmly on the ground. There’s nothing wrong with casual sex if that’s what both people want but I want more. It’s time I started behaving accordingly.
By the time I get to work the next morning, I’ve given myself five different pep talks, including one to keep me from calling in sick. I refuse to allow Law to think I’m at home desperate and sad because of him. As Ariana reminded me, I have options. It’s time I start using them.
“Morning, Anya. After you get settled, can you come help me in the conference room?” Mya tosses this over her shoulder as she whirls past my office door.
“Sure thing.”
I’m grateful she’s in a hurry this morning and doesn’t have time to scrutinize how I look. She’s got an eagle eye for more than just amazing advertising. I take a moment to check my appearance with my phone camera. Hopefully the effects of the crying jag I gave into this morning in a weak moment aren’t written all over my face. After stashing my stuff in my desk, I walk down the hall to the first conference room. Mya leans over her husband’s shoulder, pointing at something on the tablet he’s holding.
“This could be brighter. Yeah, exactly. We need to punch it up. You know how picky he is.”
“Is that the new Lavin ad campaign?” I ask as I move closer.
Mya smirks. “What gave it away?”