The only reason I can tell I’ve shocked him is the momentary pause before he answers. “What brought this on?”
In the quickest summary ever, I tell him what happened with Liz. His long extended groan brings a smile to my face.
“I hate that you’re questioning everything now based on that she-beast.”
“I’m not. Let’s just say it’s something I’ve been thinking about lately.”
He sighs. “I don’t know if I believe that. This isn’t like you. We never talk about this stuff.”
“I thought you were crazy, did you know that?” I interrupt. “When you told me you were going to marry Jo.”
“Of course I knew. I was seventeen with a pregnant girlfriend I was determined to marry. I thought I was crazy, too. But you took me in anyway when Dad threw me out. You helped me finish high school.”
“You told Anya I saved you. You give me way too much credit.”
“No, I don’t. You were a jackass and you still are. But you did save me. I deal with facts. That’s what happened.”
“Maybe I just didn’t want to be like him,” I mutter finally.
He’s quiet for a while and I wonder if he’s running through the same memories I am. Not being like our father is one of the only goals we share. We’re very different people, my brother and I, but on that point we completely agree.
As if he can hear my thoughts, Tommy sighs. “That’s a good enough reason in my book.”
“Everything here is fucked. I thought I was doing the right thing letting Anya go. Now Liz shows up and all I can think is that I refuse to go backward. So where does that leave me?”
“Look, I wish I had some easy answers for you. You know we love Anya but that doesn’t mean she’s the right one if the two of you don’t want the same things. But I knew I could trust Jo the same way I know I can trust you. It’s like I always tell my students. History tells the story. You showed up for me every time I needed you.”
“Anyone would have done that.”
“No, they wouldn’t have. You could barely afford food for yourself but it was never even a question for you. You just do what needs to be done. Jo stood up to her parents for me. She’s proven herself. That’s the best way to decide who is trustworthy. Look at their actions.”
After hanging up, I text Anya.
JAMES: We need to talk.
As soon as I hit Send I wish I could take it back. We need to talk is universal shorthand for bad news. Technically the news is bad, Liz showing up is a disaster of apocalyptic proportions, but I don’t want Anya to think I’m mad at her or something.
JAMES: Something happened today and I wanted to talk to you about it. Can I come by?
That’s when I realize she might not even be at home. It’s Thursday night which means being at home for a boring old dude like me. But Anya is young and beautiful. She’s probably on another date right now. My fingers clench around my phone.
JAMES: If you’re already out maybe I could meet you after? I could buy you a cup of coffee.
Now it sounds like I’m asking her on a date. I’m practically begging for a date with my not-ex-girlfriend. Frustrated, I toss my phone on the passenger seat. Sending any more texts will be borderline stalker status.
Maybe I should drive by her apartment. She’s probably ignoring my texts, not that I blame her. But maybe she’ll take pity on me and open the door if I’m actually there. As soon as I make the decision, I change my mind. It’s not fair to show up at her place when I don’t know what I’m doing or how I’m feeling.
This isn’t her problem.
It’s my problem.
Resigned to another lonely night, I pull out of the garage and drive slowly through the dark streets of the city. DC has a vibrant nightlife so things are busy even at ten o’clock on a Thursday night. Just as I take the turn onto 23rd Street to head out of the city, my phone rings. I never pick up when I’m driving so I ignore it. A minute later, a notification dings for a voicemail. I pick up the phone and use voice commands so it will play the message out loud.
Hello? This is Marta Petrova. You left your phone number on the card when you sent flowers for my birthday. I’m so sorry to bother you James but I can’t reach Anya. Her father–
There is a muffled noise, like she’s covering the phone and talking to someone else.
If Anya is with you please tell her that her father had an accident this evening. We’re at the hospital now. GW. Thank you.