"What is there to talk about? The grand opening should be in a few months if all goes to plan. I've already signed a lease for the space."
"Sasha, don't you think it's time to consider some alternatives? You were counting on getting publicity from being on television. But now … "
She doesn't say anything else but I can imagine what she's leaving unsaid. Now that I'm not on the show, how will the club get exposure? Now that I'm a failure and a laughingstock, who will come?
I pause with my fork halfway to my mouth. Across from me Audra chews her food slowly. When I look over at Brenna she won't look at me either.
"So you're all pulling out? How am I supposed to have my grand opening? I won't be able to afford to build out the space let alone pay for furniture or fixtures. Thank God I got Kay and Eli to invest."
Audra doesn't look impressed. "Eli owns that big security company. He can afford to lose money. I can't. Keith's hours just got cut and I've had to start working part-time to make up the difference. We can't afford to take chances."
"On me. That's what you mean. You can't afford to take a chance on me. The girl who fails at everything."
Brenna looks distraught. We've always been close and I know she doesn't want to hurt my feelings. But it hurts that she doesn't think I can pull this off. That she thinks I'm a failure just like everyone else. She puts her arms around me.
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"That's not what we're saying. We just think you should reevaluate. You were counting on a lot of press and attention from being on the show. Now that you aren't, it's going to be really hard to get people in there." Brenna speaks softly, as if the cadence of her voice can soften the blow of what she’s saying.
Shame boils through my blood as I'm confronted by the evidence that no one in my family believes in me. Even worse, the fact that my father isn't here just twists the knife. My father is the one who got me into jazz in the first place. I wanted to own a jazz lounge so badly because of all the stories he told about the club his best friend owned back in the seventies.
"I shouldn't be surprised that you guys don't get it. You never really have."
Mom suddenly looks hurt. "We have always tried to support you Sasha. But what kind of family would we be if we weren't honest with you? By the time you finish fooling around, you'll have spent the best years of your life chasing foolish dreams. I don't want you to look back with regret later when you have nothing to show for it."
Her words cut me through and through. "How long have you guys been planning this little intervention?"
Brenna looks guilty, probably that she didn't warn me about what I was walking into tonight. "We just want you to find happiness. You've spent so much time working on this. You never go out anymore. How are you supposed to meet anyone if you're working all the time? I worry about you living alone. I don't know what I'd do without Evan."
I love my brother-in-law but his idea of a good time is watching sports on the couch, remote in one hand and a beer in the other. Not my thing at all.
I push back from the table. "I need to go."
There's a flurry of sound behind me as they all push their chairs back and follow me into the kitchen.
"Thanks for letting me know that you're backing out of the deal." I grab my scarf and wrap it around my neck. I motion for Brenna to hand me my coat which is hanging on a hook next to the back door.
She hands it over, watching me warily. "Why are you thanking us?"
I pull the coat on, zip it and then flip up the hood in preparation for stepping out into the chilly night air. Then I look behind me. Brenna and Audra stand by my Mom. That's kind of the way it's always been though. I've never really belonged, not even in my own family.
"I'm thanking you for letting me know early enough so that I can find other investors. Luckily I have friends who are willing to help me learn about the business side of things but I still have a lot of work to do. Including planning a grand opening on a shoestring budget.”
Mom glances over at the others. "You mean you're still going through with it?"
"Just because you guys don't think it's a good idea, doesn't mean that it won't be a success. And I'm glad to know what you really think of me. I was silly enough to actually think that you guys were proud of me for trying to follow my dreams but that's only when those dreams match up with what you want me to do. I won't make that mistake again."
I step out onto the back steps, pulling the door shut behind me over their startled protests. My fists clench at my sides and I have to restrain myself from turning around and pounding on the door. But I don't have time for nonsense. It's time for me to go hunting.
I need to find twenty thousand dollars.
* * * * *
The next day, I pivot in front of the full-length mirror in my bedroom, finally satisfied with my outfit. I have to get ready to leave since Emma asked me to help her set up for the surprise engagement party she's throwing for her future brother-in-law. Despite being rich, handsome and charming, Finn is also really nice. He even got me a recurring gig at a big hotel in Virginia Beach that pays my rent most months.
When he found out that I was starting a business, he promised to introduce me to some other small business owners that can help me. More than likely, I’ll be doing some networking tonight at this party so I want to look festive but professional, too. Finn knows me as a singer. Tonight, I need to show everyone that I'm a businesswoman, too.
If only I could show my own family as easily. I spent all night making plans on my ancient laptop. I can’t deny that it hurts, knowing that my own family is just waiting for me to fail, but it only makes me more determined. I can do this.