“And what are you going to sing for us today?”
“I’m going to sing 'Falling Hard' produced by Jackson Alexander.”
The camera pans to the judges who all have the same pasted on smiles. As the music starts onscreen, I swallow a tickle of panic. This was when Chaz’s last words to me had started running through my mind. He’d accused me of being delusional, of not caring about anything other than this contest. Which he’d considered laughable since, according to him, I had no chance to win. As it turns out he was right.
Tears cloud my eyes as I watch on the screen for the moment when I stop singing mid-verse. The judges are watching me with confused expressions. It had shocked me, too. In years of performing I've never forgotten the words to a song. The onscreen version of me opens her mouth over and over and then turns and bolts from the stage.
That’s when it happens.
I trip and end up sprawled over a speaker, my skirt flipping up to reveal my yellow polka-dot panties.
The audience gasps and then all you hear are cheers, wolf whistles and laughter. I stop the video, the image of me with my ass on display frozen on the screen. This one picture has tormented me for months. It's been turned into online memes and endlessly mocked. The fact that my song was called “Falling Hard” and I then literally tripped and fell was an endless source of amusement for people. One moment changed the course of my life and turned me into a national laughingstock.
Anger rises and for once I don't stifle it or try to calm down. I have every right to be upset and I can't go through life pretending this didn't happen. I flash back to Gabe holding my hand the first time I showed him the club. Telling me I'm smart and that I have great ideas.
Nothing keeps you down for long, does it?
Whatever else he did, Gabe helped me see what makes me special. I don't allow things to keep me down and this should be no different.
I pull up the music software on my computer. Jackson encouraged me to work on some remixes for Falling Hard but after what happened, I never finished them. Producing was a totally different skill set and I hadn't had confidence in my work then. But things are different now.
A slow smile spreads across my face.
* * * * *
Later that evening, Eli comes in and drops his coat on the back of the couch. He looks exhausted.
Kay looks over her shoulder. "Hey, where have you been?"
Eli hesitates and glances over at me. There's obviously something going on and I can take a hint.
I close the lid of my laptop. "You guys talk. I can go upstairs."
Eli holds up a hand. "No, Sasha wait. You should hear this."
I sit slowly. Kay glances over at me with a worried look.
Eli sits and then rests his elbows on his knees. "There’s something I have to tell you. About Gabe.”
“Gabe is an asshole." I stand again. It's not surprising that Eli would go and track Gabe down after what he did to me. He's the type who takes chivalry seriously. But I don't want him apologizing for Gabe's foolishness.
"I think he said all that stuff to keep you away from him. That photo was some kind of message for him. I think he was worried for you. And he should have been." Eli looks down at his hands and then finally back up at me again. "Maybe you should sit down, Sasha."
The soft cadence of his voice fills me with dread. Gentle doesn't come naturally to Eli so the way he's looking at me and talking to me seems even more jarring. "What happened?"
"Gabe was stabbed that night after he left your house. Tank took him to the hospital."
I sit then, my breath forced from my chest when I hit the cushions so suddenly. "Oh my god. Is he okay? He's not … " Was that why Eli looked so scared to tell me? Because Gabe is dead?
"No, he's okay. He had surgery but he's out of the hospital now. Apparently he checked himself out against his doctor's advice."
"I have to go see him."
Eli looks uncomfortable. "I'm not so sure that’s a good idea. He asked me to keep you away from him. That must mean he thinks being around him is dangerous."
"I need to see him. Otherwise, you know I’ll just break away at the first opportunity. Isn’t it safer for me to go when you’re right there?"
He doesn't look happy about it but he agrees.