If he loses all that because of me, eventually he’ll grow to resent me. It’ll be like a slow poison eating away at any life we build together. I can’t allow him to throw everything he’s worked for away for something that could never last anyway.
And I won’t throw my pride away again for a man I can’t trust.
22
* * *
After walking around the block a few times, I think I’m calm enough not to go for Jason’s throat. I need to talk to Casey. This is the worst way to be introduced to sudden fame and I have no idea how she’s handling it.
But as soon as I walk back into the agency, I know she’s gone. Anya’s guilty expression as she hands me a note doesn’t make me feel any better, either.
The simple note brings back unpleasant memories. I unfold the plain white sheet.
I can’t do this anymore. I’m so sorry. I’ll come by the penthouse later to get my things.
I read the words over and over and they still hold no meaning. All that comes through for me is sadness. Finality. She’s ending our relationship over lies. I can’t let that happen. I sit in the lobby of the agency and I have no idea how much time has passed when I hear the sound of her voice.
“I can’t believe you’re still here.”
She’s standing just inside the doorway wearing dark jeans and a blue hoodie pulled up to shield her face. Her eyes are red. Even like this, she’s so beautiful she looks like sunlight.
“There you are. I had to know you were all right but I didn’t want to lead the reporters to your apartment.”
“I’m sorry I left that way.” Casey rubs her arms. “Everything was falling apart and I needed a minute to think. We don’t really know each other at all.”
“I know you.” Suddenly angry, I draw her against me. She fits in the cradle of my arms perfectly. “I may not know every detail yet, but I know your heart. I know you.”
“Why didn’t you tell me you were engaged to Marcella?” Casey demands.
I pause. “Who told you we were engaged? We never announced it.”
Casey’s eyes close and she lets out a long, slow breath. “It doesn’t matter who told me. What matters is that you didn’t.”
“No, Cassandra, please listen. I broke up with Marcella long before I met you. She’s someone my mother wanted to see me with. But she was never right for me. She’s definitely not who I want to be with now. That’s you. Only you.” I squeeze her arms gently but she steps back, out of my embrace.
“Even if that’s true, I just don’t know if I can do this. We’re so different. Can you really see me fitting in with your family, your friends, your entire lifestyle?” She shakes her head and that’s when I see the sheen of tears in her eyes. “I can’t live wondering how long before you get bored with me and go back to your real life.”
It hits me straight in the heart to hear her say these things. “Do you think so little of me then? You really believe that I would do that? That I would lie to you?”
“I know you’d never hurt me on purpose. You’re a good man, one of the best I’ve ever known. But I need to do what’s best for me right now. And so do you.” She swipes at her eyes angrily as tears flow down her cheeks. “Maybe we were right in the beginning to say things could only be one night. And our one night is finally up.”
With one last sad look, she goes down the hallway and turns into Mya’s office. I’m sure they’re strategizing with their own PR about how to keep this from affecting their business.
And having me camped out in their lobby probably isn’t helping.
I leave fighting the urge to rage or to punch someone else. The vultures who are no doubt taking pictures of me right now would probably love that. This day is everything I didn’t want for us, my worst nightmare come to life. And the fact that people around the world are looking at pictures of us during one of our most intimate moments makes me feel like I’ve failed her in the worst way.
This is my fault.
I know what this industry does to people. I’ve seen so many friends fall apart over the years or crack under the pressure. How could I let someone as sweet and full of life as Casey get chewed up by the entertainment machine? All those assholes looking at our picture don’t deserve to breathe the same air she does, but even as we speak they’re making memes of us and calling her names.
Worse I can’t protect her because being near me is the only reason she’s at risk. I am the problem.
You would think I would have learned.
When I get home, I strip out of my clothes and change into sweatpants and the coffee stained T-shirt I haven’t worn since the day I met Casey. Little did I know that pint-sized, clumsy girl would change my whole perspective and make me happy for the first time in a long time. Maybe the first time ever.