I narrowed my eyes at the teasing grin Lukas shot over his shoulder. “It’s not against the rules to talk about it, I just get superstitious when nothing’s official yet. I have bad memories of promising Ritchie’s mom a whole lot of stuff and never following through.”
“That wasn’t your fault.”
“Well, failure doesn’t care about whose fault it was. It’s still going to happen.”
Lukas wore a deep frown as he brought his mug to his lips, shooting a playfully disturbed look in my direction. “You’re fucking intense sometimes.”
I grinned. “What? Everyone’s got their sore spots,” I said just as my phone buzzed beside me. “Huh. Speak of the devil,” I murmured without thinking as I read Ritchie’s name off my phone.
I’d sent one reply to his message, saying that I would think about visiting. And since, it had opened up a floodgate. He hadn’t stopped texting – random memories, thoughts, old pictures. Even an apology. Under normal circumstances, I would’ve dissected his every text with Sara but in the past week with Lukas, I didn’t care to.
Flicking my screen on, I glanced at the text before looking up to find Lukas cocking his head at me. “What?”
“Sorry. I caught the name on your phone.”
“Oh. Yeah. Ritchie?”
“Yeah.” Lukas adjusted his cufflinks as he frowned at me. “I thought you said you two hadn’t spoken since the breakup.”
“We hadn’t. But he texted me the day after I got my investment deal. To congratulate me.”
“Really? That’s a lot more restraint than I’d give him credit for,” Lukas snorted to himself.
I paused, wondering if I should tell him the truth – about Ritchie selling the house and wanting me to visit before it was gone. I was tempted to since I was curious as to what he’d even say. But I decided against it. “Yep, that’s all. Just a ‘congrats, proud of you’ type text.”
The crease remained i
n Lukas’s brow. “How did he even find out about it?”
“Well, we’re not close but I did have to tell my dad I got an investor,” I said.
“Right.” Lukas looked down for a second. “Forgot he’s still up there. Remarried?”
“No. He’s… alone,” I said.
“You don’t ever miss him?”
I frowned. “Of course I do. It’s just complicated to see him. It involves seeing everyone else. We still text on holidays, birthdays, but the fact of the matter is there’s just… way too much unsaid between us. We’d have years’ worth of explaining ourselves to each other before we could even begin to have a real relationship.” I groaned into my hands. “I hate thinking about this,” I whispered to myself.
“Why? You feel guilty?”
“Of course I do,” I admitted softly. “I mean neither of us were really wrong. He was too heartbroken to care for me so I forced myself to love a surrogate parent. I wish it didn’t turn out that way, but it did.” I chewed my lip, annoyed with myself for revealing so much about myself when I got so little back from Lukas. “Anyway, I’m going to shut up now. I’m just thankful he lives with my uncle and their family.”
“His brother?”
“Yeah. They’ve always been really close.”
Lukas stared and nodded. “Nice,” he said, though he didn’t mean it. His voice was suddenly far away, his green eyes looking vacant.
“Hey.” My brows pulled tight as I studied him. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah,” he said far too quickly for me to believe. I pursed my lips, watching him look into his coffee for a silent moment before caving.
“You’ve never told me about your parents,” I said softly.
Lukas glanced up at me. “You’re right, I haven’t.”
Foolishly, I waited for him to say something more, maybe continue his sentence. But he gave me nothing. All I got was that brisk reminder of the wall between us. I tried my luck. Rolling my eyes, I got off the couch.