I bit my lip. I had answers for that.
A bevy of them that had to do with spur-of-the-moment decisions having deep and lasting consequences, and how I should really, really know that better than anyone else. But before I could get into that buzzkill with myself, a storm of texts pinged in my phone.
Perfect timing. I reached into my pocket, knowing without looking that the messages were all from my best friend.
LIA: Helloooo why must you text me and then disappear??
LIA: Wait so I don’t get it are you really going to make it tonight? How did you get out of work??
LIA: Did you finally duct tape your boss to her chair like I told you to
ME: Hi. I did… in a way. I’ll tell you when I get there. It’s a long story that you’re not going to believe and I’m going to require a drink first. Maybe three.
LIA: Yessssss story time so excited
LIA: Also Lukas knows the owners here so… open bar : )
ME: YESS. I’m 5 min away. Rooftop at the Victorian Hotel?
LIA: Yep rooftop terrace! Just give them Lukas’s name at the door. Should I have a drink ready for you?
ME: No but if you can find a hot guy who looks like he’d be killer in bed please grab him and tell him all about me
I was half-kidding but that didn’t stop the flurry of shocked emojis before Lia’s next message came in.
LIA: Whaaaaaaaaaat?
I snorted as I watched the ellipsis repeatedly drop off and return as my best friend tried to decide which of her many questions to ask first. I knew what she was thinking – when did I get the balls to have a one-night stand? Wasn’t I the chick who kept the same mild-mannered, borderline vanilla friend with benefits over the course of the past five years?
Yes. Yes, I was.
His name was Jeff and he was my copy editor at the magazine I just quit and figuratively set on fire. I chose him because he was already at the office and he was cute enough without being distractingly hot. He was pretty good without being great. He wasn’t strong enough to make me break much of a sweat during sex and show up to my next meeting disheveled – which sounded horrible, yes, but that was the point.
Jeff was just enough to satisfy my libido, but not enough to launch my hormones into crush mode. He got the job done so I could get my job done and finally earn myself a spot on the masthead like every one of my bosses kept promising I would. For that company, I’d adapted myself to an active but deeply mediocre sex life.
And all for nothing.
Those dicks, I scowled as Lia’s text finally came in.
LIA: HOLD ON I’M SO CONFUSED. WTF is happening can you tell me in one sentence please??
ME: FINE
ME: Basically I just snapped and quit June Magazine in a way that might get me blacklisted from publishing entirely so before I launch into disaster control tomorrow, I’m going to make up for all the years of bad sex I had for that company by finding the hottest guy at the bar tonight and having him do EVERYTHING to me.
Once I hit send, I let out a heavy whoosh of a breath. I didn’t realize it till a second after sending the text, but apparently my mind was made.
I was indulging tonight.
In everything.
Fuck it – for just one night, I was going to let myself have whatever I wanted, however I wanted – as hard and fucking sweaty as I wanted.
In ten hours, it would be 8AM, but till then, every one of my rules would cease to exist.
Any fantasy I had, my wish was my own command, because I was both Cinderella and her own fairy godmother at the hotel rooftop ball. Tomorrow, it was back to reality.
But tonight, I was making every second worth it.