“I was in the bathroom when the picture was taken, but the point is the Post just threw you a bone, Maddox. They fabricated for you a relatively long-term relationship, which we both know you’re thoroughly incapable of, and they portrayed a soft side of you that we’ve never seen. Granted it’s a hundred percent bullshit, but still. If you play along with this and dedicate yourself to the story, you could change your image in the exact way you need to in order to keep your spot on this team.”
I squinted at Iain, starting about ten different sentences that I never finished because I was still catching up on what the hell he was talking about.
“What exactly are you suggesting here? You want me to date this girl?” I finally asked.
“Actually, I want you to put a ring on her finger and move her into that famous bachelor pad of yours,” Iain answered. “The media will jump all over it, and I can’t think of a quicker, more efficient way to convince the Empires that you’ve settled down.”
I took off my cap to get a better look at him. I had to stare in silence for a few seconds because I wasn’t sure if I was losing my mind or if Iain was really asking me this shit.
“I’m confused by how casual you are about asking me to get engaged to a stranger and live with her,” I finally said.
“It would be for show, Drew,” Iain snorted. I exhaled. “Keep up the act till the trade deadline passes. That’s a little less than three months. It’s extremely doable.”
I rubbed my chin as I stared at the floor. I was actually considering it.
“Well, I’m barely home anyway. And I definitely wouldn’t mind hanging out with her again.”
“Here’s the hard part. I know when you say ‘hang out’ you mean you’re interested in sleeping with her, but if you choose to do this, you agree not to sleep with her or anyone else.”
I looked up and laughed in Iain’s face.
“You want me to be celibate for three months? You’re fucking with me.”
“I couldn’t be more serious, actually. You sleep with this girl and you’ll undoubtedly hurt or upset her. Someway, somehow, you’ll do it and the last thing we need is for her to run off and give the media a chance to write about how Drew Maddox’s attempt at stability failed, and he’s a lost cause,” Iain said, looking so goddamned stoic and serious that I wanted to flick him in the face. “On the topic of the media, the reason you absolutely cannot pursue or sleep with other women is because that’s the exact story they will be looking out for – Drew Maddox cheating on his sweet, innocent fiancée. You don’t want to give the paparazzi even a chance to catch you with another woman.”
When I started shaking my head, he held his hands out.
“What? You said you’d do anything to stay a New York Empire.”
“And I meant it, but going three months without sex is crazy. I’m going to be wound up so tight I’ll be throwing wild pitches every inning.”
“Ever heard of jacking it?”
“It’s not my preferred method of release.”
“So it’s settled. We’re done trying to fix this trade situation, and I guess we’ve also found the one thing Drew Maddox can’t do.”
“There’s nothing I can’t do,” I scoffed, despite the fact that I knew he was trying to appeal to my competitive side. “I just don’t – ”
“Want to?” Iain gave me the most unimpressed look I’d ever seen on his face, which was saying a lot. “And here I thought you wanted a championship more than anything in the world. I mean what’s the point of all the shit that’s happened to you if you don’t give baseball everything you’ve got?”
I glared at him for daring to ask that question but at the same time, it sold me.
“Fine.” I regretted it as I said it. “I’ll do it.”
“Atta boy.” Iain socked my shoulder before checking the time on his phone. “Alright. I got a meeting, I gotta go.”
“Hold on,” I said, feeling the deepest frown creasing my brow. I was usually eager to get away from business mode Iain but I had about ten million questions right now, and the fact that he had to leave so abruptly was making me doubt this decision even more. “So I’m not supposed to party, I’m not supposed to go out. I can’t go after other girls. What exactly am I supposed to do?”
“I don’t know, Drew. Read a book. Start the Harry Potter series. Get creative. You never hesitate to wrack that brain of yours for new ways to torture opposing t
eams, so why not put it to use for something legitimately productive for once?”
“My ability to get under the other team’s skin is legitimately productive. Even The New York Times backs me up on that one.”
Iain ignored me as he started off down the hall.
“Pick up a hobby, Maddox.” We started walking back toward the clubhouse. “If not, get to know that new girlfriend of yours – in ways that don’t involve the removal of clothing. I believe in you,” Iain said.