20
DREW
By the time I got up in the morning, Evie’s bedroom door was already open and she was already gone for whatever work meeting she had. Apparently I was disappointed because I found myself standing in her doorway for a second, staring at her empty bed.
After last night’s game, I’d watched more tape with Lou and wound up getting home past 1AM, which meant Evie was already passed out hard on the couch. I’d said her name a few times as I emptied my pockets on the kitchen counter and laughed to myself when she didn’t stir at all.
The TV was on and wrapping up post-game coverage of the night’s win, which meant she’d been watching the game by herself.
Unexpected.
Also unexpected was the little black thing she slept in. It was short and silky, and I was forced to watch it flutter up her thighs as I carried her up the stairs to her room. It was like walking a tight rope as I made my way up the steps while sliding my eyes all over her body.
By the time I got to the stadium, I was still thinking about the way she exhaled as I put her in bed. She didn’t wake up at all but when her body hit the mattress, she rolled onto her side and immediately curled up to her pillow.
Then she let out that breath and smiled. Like she was in a fucking Ambien commercial. She was peaceful in a way I didn’t think was real, and I was still switching between laughing at the memory and agonizing over it when I got a text from an unknown number.
Hi Drew. Sorry about texting and please don’t tell Tim but I’m just so proud today and I couldn’t have done this without you. Wish you could’ve been here.
P.S Christopher says hi. He still loves his Uncle Drew.
My eyes darted over the words just before the picture came in.
When I processed the faces in it, the whirlwind of emotion was instantaneous, and I knew I’d failed to suppress the first second because Diaz peered over at me from his locker. But he said nothing and I thanked God for that because I needed a second.
I needed a fucking second to digest that Abby Lillard had graduated from Temple University today.
Holy fuck. I wanted to smile but I couldn’t, because as innocent as she probably was in the whole mess with her brother, it wasn’t like I could look at her without thinking of him. I couldn’t even be happy about the fact that I’d put her through college. I’d sent her check for tuition exactly a week before my shit with Tim went down, and I still remembered her refusing to cash it for awhile and being scared that if she did, it meant she was on my side and not he brother’s.
“Jesus,” I muttered when another picture came in – this time of her holding Christopher.
I smiled. Kind of. It was a tense, conflicted one, but it was a smile nonetheless because this was my favorite kid in the world.
Christopher Drew Lillard. Tim’s son. I took him on his first trip to Disney, I was there the day he was born, he was named after me, and aside from Pattie he had to be the one Lillard I missed most.
As quickly as it came, my smile disappeared.
Fucking hell.
Four years later and I was still haunted by this family. I was still hounded by the press to give quotes on Pattie’s death. On the incident with Tim. I still had opposing teams’ fans use their names to heckle me when I was in the dugout or on the mound. I tuned most of it out but it was impossible to completely ignore, and I fucking hated the days when I had to wonder if I’d ever actually move on from them.
Sitting in front of my locker, my elbows on my knees, I stared at my jersey. I stared at the number twenty-one I’d been wearing since my rookie year, tapping my left foot and trying to shift the dark thoughts in my brain to something else before the game started.
But a few minutes passed and it didn’t work.
I stared into space for a little longer. Then picking up my phone, I sent a text.
ME: What are you up to
I watched the ellipses blink for a bit. It took awhile before her reply came in. I shook my head as I kept watching it go in and out. What the fuck was she doing?
EVIE: Hey. Sorry typing slow I’m walking and texting. What’s up? Did I forget we had something today?
ME: I would have opened with that if you did.
EVIE: Oh. Excuse me then.
EVIE: In that case to answer your question I’m just shopping for something to wear to the thing tonight.