“Definitely,” Emmett murmured. “I know I should’ve told Julian at some point. But half the reason she fell into that place was because of him, and even after he came back for good, I didn’t know how to say so many years’ worth of shit to him.”
“So when she has these breaks now… you don’t let him know even a little what’s happening?”
“No. There’s no point in upsetting him when I’m the only one who can help. I’ve been there since the beginning. I know all her ticks and patterns. All the tricks to calm her down.”
“How often does she have these breaks?”
“Not as often now. They’ve been less and less frequent over the years. But in the beginning, there were times when I’d be living with her and Gram for weeks, maybe a month at a time because that was how long it took to pull her out of these places.”
“So you didn’t do relationships because you felt like… you were on call for her? In case she broke down?”
“Yeah.” Emmett gazed down at my hand, turning it gently in his to trace his fingers over my palm.
“But… what if you’re away?” I asked, remembering how Audrey had thought Emmett would be abroad all summer.
“I don’t go away for too long. Never more than a week at a time,” Emmett replied. “I know if something were to happen and she fell into one of these places, she wouldn’t tell me if I were on vacation. She’d want me to enjoy myself. But that’s not worth it because when I catch her early enough, I can talk her down before things gets bad.”
“Right,” I said, though my heart was breaking as I listened to Emmett talk so casually about such an enormous responsibility – like it was just another normal aspect of his life.
The life that was clearly not as charmed as everyone thought.
“So that’s where you were the past two days,” I realized as Emmett nodded. “What triggered it?”
“Sara,” he answered, clarifying when he caught my look of confusion. “Well not Sara. Her pregnancy.”
I was still confused. “Your mom isn’t happy about it?”
“Oh, she’s ecstatic. Julian said she cried for an hour straight,” Emmett said, giving a faint chuckle. “But I think… there’s a fine line between her being really happy and really sad. I think a lot of times when she’s over the moon about something, she misses my dad. And with Sara being pregnant, I know she’s just wishing more than ever for him to be here. We were all torn apart the day he died but look at us now. We’re rolling deep again,” he said, managing something of a smile. “We’ve got Sara now. We got a baby coming.” He eyed me. “I’ve got pretty good prospects in my life,” he said, smirking when I bit my lip. Gazing out at the empty ballroom, he nodded to himself. “It’s everything Dad wanted. And I know Mom’s just hurting about the fact that he can’t be here to see it.”
“Of course,” I murmured, my heart twisting over all the pain the Hoults had quietly gone through. It was equally remarkable and heartbreaking, and it made me want to shake myself for every time I pictured Emmett’s world to be perfect.
All those years that I’d ignored him over the hardship in my own life, he was dealing with an even bigger one of his own.
“I wish I could’ve been there for you,” I said after several minutes of quiet. “I know things were weird between us, but I’ve always felt like you were my family. I know it’s hard to believe, but I don’t think I would have let you go through so
mething like this alone.”
“I know you wouldn’t have.” Emmett looked up at me. “You understood me and my family more than anyone else in the world.”
“So I should’ve been there for you,” I whispered, my chest clenching tight as Emmett shook his head, pressing a soft kiss on my lips and using the same words he used on me before.
“You’re here now,” he murmured. “And that’s all that matters.”
33
ALY
It was past 2AM when Emmett and I got into his apartment last night. After shedding our black tie attire, we’d basically collapsed into bed, crawled into each other’s arms and passed the hell out. Both physically and emotionally, we were spent, and since I knew I’d be late for work, I’d sent a text to Evie.
And in the morning, I woke up to her reply.
EVIE: All good baby girl. Be as late as you want. Actually please take the whole day off for what I put you through yesterday.
EVIE: For the record, Mike and I are okay for now so please don’t worry about me! I promise I’m fine. So enjoy your man in peace
EVIE: And by peace I mean whatever dirty filth you get yourselves into this morning ;)
I laughed at her last text, but a frown still pinched between my brows – because I knew it was thanks to Emmett and me that Evie had gotten emotional about her relationship. As a result that night, she wound up calling Mike and I’d sat in my room while she fought with him in the bathroom for twenty minutes.