“I… okay, Riley. That’s fine.” I blinked at her, trying to figure out a proper reaction to her rant. But I was speechless. I had never heard my sister sound as obvious as she did right now, nor had I seen her get so worked up that she actually got red in the face.
“What’s going on?” Mom frowned when she came over. She handed me both her bags. “Riley?”
“Nothing,” Riley snapped, turning and walking fast ahead of us. I froze for a moment, blindsided by her anger. Then I fell quiet, feeling instantly awkward as I walked alone with my mother out of the store.
“What did you do to her?” Mom asked accusingly.
“Nothing. Why would you assume I did something to her? I was just having a conversation with her.”
“I’m not stupid, Sasha. I know it wasn’t as simple as ‘a conversation.’ But by all means, play innocent. You really are great at it.”
Her words stopped me in my tracks. I could’ve shrunk back and given up right there. In the past, I would’ve swallowed it and let it ruin my day in silence, so no one else would have to get upset. But before I knew it, my face was hot and I was pacing out into the busy parking lot to catch up with my mother.
“What did I do to you?” I demanded. “Can you tell me in words what I did to you to make you act like I’m some kind of disease? Why did you even invite me to see you?”
“I didn’t invite you to come early. You did that on your own accord.”
“I know that, Mom, I’m asking why you even invited me to Thanksgiving dinner at all!” I seethed as we closed in on the car.
“You’re my daughter, for God’s sake. How could I not invite you to Thanksgiving?” Mom asked with irritation. “Why do you like to waste my time with these kinds of questions, Sasha? Honestly!”
“Because sometimes, I wonder if you hate me,” I said heatedly. Picking up on the tension, Riley climbed quickly and quietly into the driver’s seat. Staring at my mom over the roof of the Audi, I waited for her to respond – to easily deny the fact that she hated me. But she didn’t. “Do you then?” I challenged, losing my capacity to act perfectly nice and docile for my mother. “‘Cause if you do, just say it. At least be honest about it.”
“Good God, Sasha, you are embarrassing me,” Mom hissed, peering around to make sure we didn’t know anyone passing by. She yanked open the car door. “I don’t hate you, but let’s just put it this way – I am never dying to see you. Now get in the car.”
* * *
The liquor store was surprisingly empty for the night before Thanksgiving, and to my irritation, they were already playing Christmas music. To make it worse, the tunes were all bubbly and joyous, as if actively trying to mock my incredibly shitty mood.
“Look, Sash, I’m sorry about what she said,” Riley muttered. We scoured the aisles looking for the only brand of Chardonnay Mom ever drank. I wasn’t exactly dying to run errands for her, but when we got home and realized we’d forgotten the wine, Riley volunteered to go back out for it, and I joined her since I preferred another shopping mission than being alone with my mom for even a second. Trailing me around the store, Riley heaved her twentieth sigh of the past five minutes. “I didn’t mean to get her involved, Sash, and obviously, she didn’t mean what she said. She was just upset.”
“She meant what she said, Riley. ‘I hate you’ would’ve been a stretch, but ‘I never care to see you’ is her being honest. And it wasn’t like I provoked her, she was looking for a reason to convey what a burden I am. She doesn’t like me, Riley. We both know that, and this isn’t really new information, anyway, so let’s just move past it and get all of this over with,” I said emptily.
Riley considered protesting but stopped herself. “Fine. Where is this stupid Chard anyway?”
“I don’t know. Why don’t you take this aisle while I check the next?”
“Go for it.”
Dragging my feet, I wandered into the next aisle just as a tall man did the same from the opposite end. I barely caught a glimpse of him, but staring at a row of bottles, my heart began to inexplicably pound.
You’re imagining it, I told myself, forcing my brain to read the labels and try to find the brand we were looking for. But it was like I was illiterate. I couldn’t make out a single word. The panic rising in my chest was sudden and so sharp it was painful. I pressed my palm between my breasts, freezing helplessly when through the corner of my eyes, I saw him stop in his tracks.
He’d seen me. And he was staring at me. But I refused to believe it was him. It can’t be. You’re emotional. You got in a fight with Mom, and it’s making your brain crazy. It’s not him. It’s not him. It’s not –
“Sasha.”
I didn’t look up. It was him. And it was his voice, but I wanted to hold onto my last bit of hope that this wasn’t happening. This wasn’t real.
“Sasha, stop. Jesus, please don’t cry.”
I didn’t realize I already was. I touched my eye, my hand shaking as it wiped away tears. Still, I refused to look at him. I simply stood there like a trembling statue. It wasn’t till he reached for me that I jerked away.
“Don’t you dare touch me.”
Owen held his hands in the air, his grey eyes pinned to me as he took a step back. “Okay. Okay, I won’t touch you,” he said, putting on that overly gentle voice that always made my skin
crawl. See, you were the one. You were the one who was good at acting innocent when you weren’t. It was you.