“Yes. Specifically me and my mother. You’ve met her.”
“Of course.” Clara Leo, born Clara Alba. She was an shockingly beautiful, sweet, and naturally doting woman who I had the pleasure of seeing only once a year during Thanksgiving. And every Thanksgiving, she begged Aaron and me to come to Christmas, often trying to bribe us with everything from delicious home baked pastries to expensive gifts. She’d say that was only the start if we’d just come to see her on Christmas as well, but Aaron always said we’d already committed to a friend’s party, whether it was true or not. And soon enough, I was conditioned to love but dread Thanksgiving because I knew it was that time of the year when Aaron and I would disappoint poor Clara. From what I observed, there was nothing not to love about her, so it broke my heart in half. “She’s gotta be the most loving woman I’ve ever met in my life,” I said truthfully. “I wish Aaron would’ve wanted to spend more time with her, but he had a… slight resentment about how she favored you.”
“You’re kidding,” Mason laughed straightaway, though I could tell he found nothing funny at all. I cocked my head curiously as he took a minute to process what I’d just said. The grip he hand on my knee firmed a bit as he shook his head. “That’s… insane. Aaron knows he’s our mother’s weakness. She’s incredibly proud of me but she’s always spent most of her time worrying about him, making sure he’s happy and taken care of – especially since she knows he’s got this weird fucking complex about being the kid brother.”
“I don’t know if it’s a kid brother complex so much as the ‘less successful brother’ complex,” I said, annoyed as I thought about it. “He felt like your dad didn’t respect him, and like your mother pitied him.”
“Fuck him,” Mason seethed, staring straight ahead. “He punished her for years just for loving him as much as she did. She cried every day for weeks after he left for California,” he revealed, promptly breaking my heart again. I had barely considered that anyone was suffering as much as I was thanks to Aaron, but now that I thought about it, I couldn’t believe I’d forgotten about Clara and how much she had to be hurting. “I know if he really ends up marrying Eva, we’ll completely lose him to the Tully family. He’ll never come home to so much as visit and within a few years, he’ll probably get comfortable with not calling my mother, not even on holidays. And considering how she’s spent her entire life just giving to us, how much bullshit she’s accepted from my father just for us, I won’t let that fucking happen. I’m not letting Aaron just run away from his idiot insecurities and start over without thinking about the woman who dedicated her life to his happiness – if not our whole family, he should at least think of her.”
My heart ached just from looking at the fury and torment twisting Mason’s face. Leaning against him, my legs still in his lap, I dared to put a hand on his chest, stroking gently when I felt just how rapidly his heart was beating. “That’s perfectly fair. If I had someone like Clara growing up, I’d spend my life making sure I gave back till she had all the happiness she deserved,” I said, hating Aaron in that moment for being so thankless. Not only did he have a mother his whole life, he had one who loved him like she was all that existed in her world. If I’d had that, I couldn’t imagine taking it for granted let alone abandoning it the way he was doing now.
“I know you would.” I felt the rumble under Mason’s hard chest as he drew in a deep breath and let it slowly out. Relaxing a bit, he gazed down at my hand on him. I watched in awe as he wrapped his hand around my wrist, bringing my fingertips up to his mouth and brushing a kiss so faint again
st them that I wondered if I could even call it that. But whatever the gesture was, it had me spellbound. “You’re a better person than he is. You always deserved better than him,” Mason murmured, managing to crack an almost laugh. “My mom said herself that she was thankful he found you. That if he wouldn’t let her into his life anymore, at least she knew there was a good woman taking care of him.”
My chest twisted with another painful ache. “God, this makes me want to slap Aaron for being so cold to her. Why did she even favor him so much if he was such an ungrateful bastard?”
Mason shrugged. “He was her miracle baby.”
“What do you mean?”
Mason let out a breath, his Adam’s apple bobbing in his throat before he gave his anwer. “She wanted to give me a younger brother to grow up with,” he murmured. “But she lost all three pregnancies before Aaron.”
My stomach lurched so hard I clutched it. “She did?”
“Yes.” Mason frowned at me. I knew the blood had drained from my face because suddenly, he was cupping it in his hands and gazing into my eyes. “Taylor, are you okay?”
I breathed a moment, leaning into his palm. “Yes.” I gathered myself as best as I could. “I just can’t believe Aaron never told me that.”
“Well. He enjoyed the perks that came with being the miracle baby until all that loving attention became ‘pressure’ to him. Feeling like something huge was expected out of him – something he couldn’t give because he couldn’t match what I’d done in my career. But it was all self-inflicted. My mom would be proud of anything he decided to do. All she’s ever actually wanted from him is his love. Feeling like she has a family.”
“I can understand that,” I mumbled, realizing that was exactly what I’d wanted from Aaron myself. Jesus. I really should’ve hung out with his mother more often. “What about your dad?” I dared to ask curiously.
“He’s my dad,” Mason said bluntly. Then recognizing his tone, he cleared his throat. “I mean he provided for us. Made sure we never wanted for a thing. But he cheated openly on my mom and he wouldn’t stop no matter how often she or I begged him. Makes me fucking pray that she didn’t stay with him all these years just because Aaron and I begged her not to get a divorce. We were in middle school, but she promised she wouldn’t. She still hasn’t,” Mason said, chewing his bottom lip. “And I know she’ll want even more to hang onto the family she’s got if she really loses Aaron. But if that fucking happens, I’ll still be the real family left for her and someday, I’ll give her everything she wants – the grandchildren, the big Christmases. All of that. I’ll do it.”
I could practically see the pictures in Mason’s head flickering behind his blue eyes. While a part of me ached for him and Clara, the other part was in awe of the fact that he’d just bared himself so honestly to me. Never in my life would I have imagined having a heart-to-heart with Mason Leo, let alone this kind of soul-baring conversation that served as basically an open door into his past – his whole being. My pulse picked up as I studied him, contemplating my own confession. I tried to tell myself it would be selfish to bring up now, so I pressed my lips together and tried to hold it in. But then without warning, it blurted out without my permission.
“I lost Aaron’s baby two years ago.”
I wasn’t sure if it was the sentence spoken aloud or the sheer hurt on Mason’s face that made my heart stop. His lips parted, opening and closing but saying nothing as he took in my words.
“It was three months after the break,” I went on quietly. “The one I told you about. I cried my eyes out when he asked for it because we’d just moved in together and I was so scared he was going to leave me. And then one night, he texted me and he said, ‘I’m sorry I’m weak.’ And considering how much Whitney was texting and calling him before our break, I knew he was about to go cheat on me with her. So I looked for him everywhere – I burned through four cabs and three trains in two hours just scouring the entire city for Aaron until I realized I wasn’t going to find him, and my relationship was over. So I called Sofia and we drank like crazy. But I lost control and I had too much. I wound up passing out on the floor of a public bathroom. I’d wake up only to vomit every once in awhile,” I confessed with a pause, disgusted as I remembered the smell of that night. “Fuck, I wish I didn’t just tell you that,” I whispered, my face hot with shame.
“Hey. Don’t,” Mason murmured, pulling me right onto his lap. Straddling him now, I found my face so close to his that I couldn’t help but believe him when he said, “I want to hear. I want to know the things that have happened to you, Taylor, so tell me and don’t for a second be ashamed.”
I swallowed the ball of emotion in my throat. “Okay,” I breathed, taking a moment to figure out how to go on. His hands rubbed my back gently. I closed my eyes for a moment to soak in his comfort but then swallowing again, I went on. “Basically Sofia couldn’t get me up on her own and the people at the bar were closing up and yelling for her to get me the hell out. And I was half dead from drinking so much, but I remember panicking for her and thinking that if Aaron came to get me, and if he somehow didn’t cheat, I’d take him back and we’d start over. Long story short, he came. I heard his voice comforting me when he picked me up off the floor and I could hardly open my eyes but I could feel he was sorry. In the cab, I asked if he still loved me and he said yes. And in the morning, he was sitting at my bedside taking care of me.” I closed my eyes for a moment, breathing steady so I could muster up the courage for what I was about to say next. “But within a week, I knew it was a mistake.”
“What was?” Mason asked softly.
“Taking him back. He came to get me, he didn’t cheat, and he was so good to me. He did everything he could to make it up to me and we were communicating better than ever. But I still felt this weird disconnect. Everyone thought we were the perfect couple – that he was the sweetest boyfriend. And aside from that night, or maybe because of that night, he was. He was the best boyfriend to me but I didn’t want him anymore, and I didn’t know how to reconcile those feelings because he was being more honest than ever, spending every minute away from work with me and taking me on all my dream trips. But for some reason, I didn’t feel like I loved him anymore, and it took so much courage, but I finally decided I needed to leave. But then – ” Out of nowhere, tears choked my throat. Struggling to finish, Mason did for me.
“You got pregnant,” he murmured, his hands brushing the hair out of my face, his eyes on me even though I couldn’t look at him. “You took it as a sign that you should be with him.”
“If anything, I thought it would fix us. I thought it would make me feel that love I felt for him before the break,” I whispered, tears rolling down my cheeks. “And it worked. At least I thought it did but I realize now it was just the joy being pregnant. Of carrying another life in my stomach and thinking about what I’d name my baby, how I’d dress him if he was a boy or if she was a girl. I fantasized so much about being the mother I never had and it made me feel so good. I felt all the life and joy and energy I couldn’t find in my relationship with Aaron before we got pregnant.”
But then I lost it.
Him.