Discipline

Despite relaxing since the breakup, I’d yet to stay out past 11:30PM. Mom still called at least four times a week between eleven and midnight, just as she had when I lived with Ben in TriBeCa. She always asked for me to put the phone up to Jack’s mouth so she could hear his “cute little bark,” but I knew it was because she was keeping tabs on me. For Ben. Making sure that I was home and being a good little wife. It wasn’t very subtle considering she reminded me nightly to “take care of him,” which included everything from giving his “tired muscles” a “good, deep rub” after work to remembering that I should always “behave how Ben would see fit.” Because staying out late with single girlfriends was not only a show of disrespect, according to Mom, but a risk for temptation.

“Not that you should ever be tempted by another when you have a beautiful gem like Ben,” she always said as I quietly pretended to retch on the other end of the phone, solely for my own entertainment. It helped with my need to cringe, which was plentiful whenever Mom called to talk. I absolutely dreaded our conversations.

Though tonight, I answered her call with great enthusiasm.

Mostly because I was tipsy. It was midnight but just like yesterday, I was still out and drinking at Todos Santos. Last night, we had lined up shot after shot to congratulate ourselves for collectively ridding of Ben. Tonight, our reason was for celebratory purposes because Adriana had announced her decision to return to the staff while I’d announced my decision to stay — not that anyone had known of my plans to leave.

Not that anyone really needed a legitimate reason to drink, anyway.

“Body shots!” Harry hollered just as I answered my phone.

“What is going on, Nina?”

Mom’s question came before I could even say “hello,” and only then did I realize that I’d already missed a few of her calls.

“Hi, Mom. I’m still at work,” I said, drawing absolutely everyone’s attention by saying the word “Mom.” Suddenly, it was the entire staff’s mission to shout the most inappropriate things they could think of, just for the entertainment of my mother.

“Aw, fuck yeah, that feels good!” Harry yelled into my phone as I gasped, suppressing laughter while kicking him away from my seat on the bar top.

“Oh God, it’s too big!” Adriana squealed.

There was absolute horror in Mom’s voice. “Who was that, Nina? Where in the hell are you? Tell me now!”

“Mom, I’m at work!” I answered, trying not to snort as Marco stood behind Harry, pretending to spank him.

“I can hear the drunks around you, Nina! For the love of God, go home before you stoop right to their level!” Mom demanded, the panic in her voice more fitting for a 911 call. “Better yet, quit. I mean it, Nina. I can feel you turning into one of them!” She paused for a moment and I could practically hear her thinking hard. “Nina. I’ll supplement you some money every month, okay? Daddy will find a way to help you out if the gallery doesn’t pay enough. Or you know what? I can take less from your allowance. How does that sound?”

I groaned. “I don’t want your money, Mom. You guys are struggling enough.”

“Don’t say that!”

I blinked, startled. “But it’s true.”

“The spa will turn it around for us. Everyone’s already talking about it. They’re very excited.”

My stomach churned as I felt myself about to spill. “But… what if you can’t find the money for the spa?” I asked, mouthing thank you to Adriana as she detected a serious topic and hushed everyone, herding them to the other end of the bar. “You can’t rely on Ben anymore, Mom. He and I broke up.”

There. It was out.

I waited for her to say something. Since it was silent on the other end, I continued. “We broke up more than a month ago. He proposed and I said no so he kicked me out that night and I’ve been living with Kelsey ever since. And I’m happier this way, Mom. You don’t know what he was really like. I was depressed with him.” The words were pouring out now, as if I’d opened a floodgate. “I stayed with him for all the wrong reasons. I thought we needed him. As a family. But I promise you, we don’t, Mom, so please don’t worry. I’m going to take care of myself. But that means staying at Todos instead of doing intern work at the gallery because I make two hundred dollars every night and over three hundred on weekends, sometimes four if we have a private party. I can save extra for any kind of emergency, like when you guys have trouble paying bills. Okay? Just please, please stop thinking about Ben like he’s some savior for us because he’s not and I won’t let him be. Everything he offers or gives is at a price. You just don’t know it yet.”

It took a few seconds for me to hear anything from the other end but finally, there was the sound of Mom’s jagged breathing.

“You are engaged to him, Nina. That ring. You can’t be broken up.”

God. I fought against the lump forming in my throat.

“Mom. We are not engaged and you wouldn’t want me to be with him if you knew what he’d put me through.” I felt the lump rise and immediately, my feet walked me away from the others and into the kitchen, in case there were tears. “He never let me see my friends, Mom. He turned me against anyone close to me because he knew they’d eventually tell me that our relationship wasn’t normal. He treated me like he owned me. And I was an idiot because I let him. I stayed home if I wasn’t with him because he got upset if he didn’t know what I was doing. I did whatever he wanted, how he wanted, when he wanted. I didn’t know how else I should act because after awhile, I did feel indebted to him. Everything I owned or knew belonged to him. I was his property, Mom. You can’t possibly approve of that.”

Standing in the middle of the kitchen, staring at the steel racks of sparkling, white dis

hes, I waited for her response. For my dilemma to be officially over. I heard her sigh on the other end, which for some reason helped my shoulders relax.

But then I heard her words.

“You need to think this over, Nina. You made a big mistake.”

And with that, she hung up.