Maybe it was the fact she’d be coming downstairs for the first time tomorrow that made her eyes spa
rkle. Or maybe it was Jonas’s concert that made her look so alive. Either way, it was nice to see her looking so awake and happy.
Next to her in the cosy chair was her husband, and Annie had taken the chair on the other side. Adam was perched on the end of the bed, while Kitty was standing closer to Jonas, to give him the support he needed. Even Drake was there, lingering in the doorway. It was a fine crowd for Jonas’s debut.
‘OK?’ she whispered to him.
Jonas nodded, and took another mouthful of water, nervously swallowing it down.
Kitty gave him a squeeze. ‘Knock ’em out. You’re going to be great.’ She could see his hands trembling as he walked into the middle of the room, all eyes following him. A burst of pride shot through her. He was overcoming his fears, and she knew she’d had a lot to do with that.
The room fell silent as Jonas took a deep breath, then sang the first note, his pure voice cutting through the cloying air. Though his eyes were open, he was focused on something far away, his face taking on a wistful look. ‘O Little Town of Bethlehem’ was the first carol. His grandmother’s favourite, Annie had told them. And as he continued through the verses there wasn’t a dry eye in the room.
Kitty stole a look at Mary Klein, who was mouthing the words along with Jonas, staring at her grandson with adoration. One papery hand was folded in her husband’s, the other tightly clutching at her bedcovers. Francis and Annie’s eyes were trained on him, too. And in the front was Adam, her Adam, staring at his nephew with the ghost of a smile on his lips.
Within moments Adam had caught her gaze. Like always, he made her chest tighten. It was as though there was a physical connection between them, fizzing and hissing like an electrical fault, and it made her feel jittery and high.
When Jonas began the next song, Kitty’s pulse was racing. For the rest of her life, she knew she’d always think of this moment whenever she heard a Christmas carol. It would be impossible to forget the way Jonas sounded so heartbreakingly wholesome, or the way the flickering candles created shadows on the white walls. Most of all she’d remember the way she felt, like a ball of fire was rolling inside her, and the person stoking it was Adam Klein. The knowledge of him lifted her like a spiritual awakening. He filled her body, her mind, her soul. Every part of her ached to touch him, for him to hold her close and never let go. She wanted nothing more than to disappear into his skin.
Was this love? She didn’t know. But whatever it was that she felt, it was too powerful to ignore. He was a rumble of thunder through the dark night, a storm coming ever closer, with no building or tree to shield her. He was going to strike her down, and she wanted it. Craved it, even. Their connection – whatever it was – had taken on a life of its own, and neither of them seemed able to control it.
Jonas came to his final song, and Kitty tore her eyes from Adam’s. Her body was reacting in ways she’d never felt before, like a bear awakening from hibernation. She wanted to stretch her body, let him invade her like a fresh breath of air.
When Jonas hit the final note, Mary Klein gestured him over and he sat on her bed, burying his head in her arms. The cocktail of emotions stirring through Kitty’s blood paralysed her, her heart hammering against her chest while she stared at the tableau of people in front of her. A family connected on Christmas Eve.
Maybe that should have made her sad. Caused her to miss her own family. But right then, right there, she couldn’t think of a single place she’d rather be. Home wasn’t where your blood was. It wasn’t even where your heart was. Home was where you felt accepted, love, at peace.
Home felt strangely like Adam Klein.
Jonas gave a huge yawn, stretching his arms above his head in an almost parodic way. His mouth was opened so wide she could practically see his tonsils.
‘OK, buddy, time for bed,’ Kitty told him, shooting a glance at his grandmother to make sure it was OK. She still felt strange, as though she was having some kind of out-of-body experience.
‘She’s right,’ Mary said. ‘If you don’t get to sleep, Santa won’t come. You don’t want to miss out on your gifts tomorrow.’
And boy, what presents they would be. Kitty wondered if the puppy would be a welcome addition.
‘What are we waiting for?’ Jonas jumped off the bed. ‘C’mon, Kitty, it’s bedtime.’ With that he was out of the room and racing down the stairs to the second floor, heading for the bathroom. Kitty glanced over her shoulder before following him. Adam was still standing in the corner, his gaze warm. She wanted to say something to him, to tell him goodbye. To ask when she’d see him again. But she couldn’t, not now. Not when everybody was here.
She hated that their secret meant she had to remain silent.
She hated secrets, full stop.
She gave him a half-smile, then turned, still feeling the heat of his stare on her back as she left the room.
Along with an emptiness she couldn’t quite put her finger on.
Adam watched Kitty leave, her blonde hair swinging behind her as she whipped around and walked out of his mother’s bedroom, her sheepskin slippers padding softly on the polished wood floor. He’d been staring at her all night. He couldn’t help it. She was just too damned beautiful.
They couldn’t go on like this. At first the secrecy had been part of the fun. A big f-you to his brother; an adrenalin-fuelled high. But now it was killing him.
His thoughts stole back to that morning, when Kitty was curled up in his arms. He didn’t feel like hiding when she was around. He wanted to shout about her from the rooftops.
‘Adam, did you hear me?’ His mom’s voice cut through his thoughts. He looked over at her, his smile warm.
‘Sorry, I was miles away.’
‘I can see that.’ Her face held an expression of mischief. ‘I was asking you when you were planning to bring the dog over.’