There was no sign.
She wrote out another message.
I’m free now if that works any better?
I’d really like to see you.
She pressed send before she could talk herself out of it. Writing those words made her feel uncomfortable, as if she was laying herself on the line.
Sorry, I’ve got too much packing to do.
I’m leaving tomorrow.
Her legs felt weak. She leaned on the worktop, trying to let his reply sink in. He was leaving? He hadn’t mentioned anything before. She blinked, trying to recall the last time it was the two of them, lying tangled in his bed. Not once had he talked about going anywhere. Not until the school year was out and summer had come. Surely he wasn’t going for long?
Rolling her lip between her teeth, she pressed the call icon next to his name. He answered almost immediately.
‘Hi.’
‘Where are you going?’ she blurted out.
Ryan cleared his throat. She could hear music playing faintly in the background. Some kind of slow, country song. ‘To New York. Something came up.’
‘What kind of something?’ Juliet felt almost embarrassed to ask. As though she was taking liberties that weren’t hers to have.
‘Something to do with my contract.’ His voice was as short as his reply.
‘How long will you be gone? Are you taking Charlie with you?’ It felt as though a band of iron was wrapped around her chest. Getting tighter, more painful by the second.
‘No. Sheridan’s going to look after Charlie while I’m gone.’
Charlie’s mom was there? Juliet sucked in some air, but it wouldn’t go down to her lungs. ‘Do
n’t you have a bit of time now?’ She rolled her bottom lip between her teeth. ‘We need to talk.’
She could hear rhythmic taps, as though he was pacing the floor. She pictured him in his hallway, bare feet slapping against the warm, wooden boards. So close, only a few hundred feet away.
And yet so far.
‘Lond—’ He coughed. ‘Juliet. look, we both knew this was a short-term thing, right? You’ve got shit to deal with, and I’ve got a job to do. We were never going to be compatible, and we were okay with that. I wish you all the best with things, I really do. But I can’t be the one you lean on any more.’
The congestion in her chest worked its way up her throat, forming a solid lump that stopped her from inhaling. She could feel her eyes start to sting, and though she blinked the budding tears away, new ones replaced them straight away.
‘I never asked you to do that,’ she said quietly. ‘I never asked you to do anything.’
Another silence. She could almost picture him staring down at the floor, shaking his head. Everything between them felt loaded, as though the air was thick between them, muffling their communication like a fog.
‘I don’t know what you want me to say.’
She closed her eyes, but the panic followed her in. ‘Is that it?’ she asked. ‘No explanations, no promises, just a quick goodbye over the telephone? You couldn’t even come and tell me face to face?’
‘Tell you what? That I’m going to New York?’ Ryan sounded confused. ‘I didn’t know until this morning.’
That wasn’t what she meant at all. But what she wanted to say – what she wanted him to hear – was impossible to put into words. He wasn’t just going to New York, it felt like he was leaving her behind. In every sense possible.
How could she tell him that?
‘I guess I’ll see you when I get back,’ he added, when she failed to respond.