“What do you want?” he whispered, looking at her face, thinking impossible thoughts. Wishing what she wanted was him. He crouched in front of her. “Helen?”
She woke like no one else he knew. Asleep one second and then fully awake in the next. It was startling.
“Is everything okay?” she asked, slipping her feet down onto the ground like she was ready to run.
“Fine.” He smiled at her. “You fell asleep.”
“What time is it?”
“Midnight. You want to get on the road?”
“I told my parents I wouldn’t be home tonight.” She yawned wide.
“We can stay here. Danny has a bunkie.”
“What’s a bunkie?”
He gave into the temptation to stroke some of the hair off her face. Sleepy, she was younger than she seemed when she was fully awake and being bossy. “Come on,” he said. He took her hand and pulled her out of the chair.
But he pulled too hard, and she was light, and she bumped into his body. Again, without flinching. And he felt her from his shoulders to his knees and through all of his bones.
“Show me this bunkie,” she whispered, her eyes luminous in the night.
The teenage boy he hadn’t been for a very long time wondered what might happen in the bunkie. A kiss seemed like a sure thing and an impossibility at the same time.
“You guys sounded so good tonight,” she said. Her shoulder pressed against his. Her wrist brushed his.
“Yeah, Danny brings out the best in other musicians. He’s like a supercharged battery or something.”
“That’s why you wanted him to be a part of the band?”
“And I like him.”
“Do you like the rest of the band?”
“Don’t listen to Danny. He thinks everything should be as simple as music. And a band is far from simple.”
Her eyes were on him and he took her elbow to walk her around a rock so she didn’t trip. “That doesn’t make sense.”
“It’s because you’ve never been in a band.”
He pushed open the door to the bunkie, which was basically a little shed on the edge of the lake. But it had a queen-size bed, beautiful views of the sunrise and a sink that was usually used to clean fish. Once the quarantine lifted, he’d spent a few months in this bunkie, writing music and arranging it with Danny. Fishing and hiking and eating the good food Danny made. It had been the best kind of summer camp.
“You can sleep here,” he said.
“Where are you going to sleep?”
“I’ll take the tuba off the chair in the cabin.”
“No,” she said and reached for his hand. “That’s ridiculous. Sleep here.”
“There’s only one bed, Helen.”
“I’m aware, Micah. If I promise to keep my hands to myself—”
Something snapped in him, the thin tether he’d had on his self-control since the closet. He stepped up very close to her. Crowding her, thinking she would step back.
But she didn’t.
“I don’t want to make that promise,” he whispered. He could feel the rise and fall of her stomach against his. Fuck, he wanted to pull off their clothes, feel that skin against his. It would be soft. He was sure of it. The softest thing he’d ever touched.
“I don’t either.” She grabbed him, hands full of his shirt right at his ribs, holding him in place. Her eyes locked on his chin. And she was into it, he could tell, but something was bothering her.
“What are you thinking?”
“This isn’t a thing I do,” she finally said. “And maybe this isn’t all that different for you?”
“It’s different.”
“I just don’t know…how to be cool.”
“You’re plenty cool.”
She narrowed her eyes. “Don’t patronize me just to try and get in my pants.”
“I would never. I think you’re one of the most authentic people I’ve ever met and that makes you very cool.”
“Micah—”
“I think you’re cool. And beautiful. And sexy and real…so fucking real you blow the top of my head off.”
He watched a whole avalanche of emotions chase themselves across her face. “I want to kiss you,” she said.
“I’m agreeable to this.”
“I’m just…it’s been a while.”
“We kissed, like, a few hours ago. And trust me, you did just fine.”
“No, the rest of it. The after kissing part.” She blew out a long breath. “It’s been so long, Micah.”
He stroked back her hair with the flat of his hand, and her head tilted back on her neck, like he had total control of her. He liked that. He liked that a lot. “You think you’ve forgotten how?”
“Maybe,” she laughed.
“Would it make you feel better if I told you it had been a while for me, too?”
“No. Because I wouldn’t believe you.”
He shrugged. “It was a long lockdown. And before that, I wasn’t hooking up as much as the tabloids would have you think.”
“But before that?” she asked.
“What do you want to hear?” He stiffened, surprised she was even going there. Lots of women got off on his stories; they liked the idea of trying to one-up some nameless, faceless woman.