Midlife Do Over

We had a staredown, right there in my front hall. His gaze was unyielding as it held mine. “Can’t we get past this, Pip?”

“If you stop pushing for more than a boss-employee relationship, we would be fine.”

“So that’s it, then? You can just ignore the chemistry, the history, the fact that there’s still something between us?”

“I have to, Ryan. You’ll leave again in a few months for tour, so no matter how I feel, or how I could feel, you’re not a good bet. You walked away once and this time, I know you’ll do it again.” And I knew he wouldn’t ask me to come with him again either. It would ruin all the backstage fun the boys had on the road.

“So I have to give up my career?”

“No. I’m not asking you to do that. I’m not asking you for anything, I just answered your questions.” I would have never asked him to give up his dream, his career for me, or for anyone else. “I’m happy you have the career you always wanted and I would never want to take that from you.”

“I figured you resented my career. Have you listened to any of the songs?”

“Only a few, but that doesn’t mean that I’m not proud of you guys for what you’ve achieved.” Tears welled up behind my eyes and I tried to shake them away, but the burning sensation continued. And then the nausea returned. “Thank you for checking on me Ryan. That was nice of you.” I tried to push him out the door but his big body wouldn’t budge, so I took off at a full run, making it to the bathroom just in time.

Thank goodness.

Chapter 21

Ryan

Something was really wrong with Pippa. She wouldn’t say so, but she had been sick for too long for just a simple bug. And the way she hauled ass to the bathroom left me more worried than she would probably like.

Instead of taking off like I was sure she wanted, I took a seat in the living room and waited.

And waited.

The sound of her retching echoed down the hall and I listened with barely a wince, my worry was so great. With no other sounds in the house, the noise sounded even louder, but still I waited, as she turned on the water and let it run for a few minutes.

Ten, maybe fifteen minutes later, Pippa emerged from the bathroom. Her bare footsteps were slow and tentative as she made her way towards me, she sucked in a startled gasp when she noticed I was still there. With a dark glare and a hand to her chest, she sighed tremulously.

“What are you still doing here?”

I took in the sight of her pale skin and the deep purple crescents under her eyes, and even though I was no doctor, you couldn’t tell me something wasn’t wrong with her.

“I’m worried about you, Pip. Did you really lose your job in Chicago or did you come home because you’re sick?” It wouldn’t be unheard of for terminally ill people to want to die at home, surrounded by friends and family.

She nodded and put her hands on her hips, her tone sarcastic when she spoke. “Yeah something is wrong with me, starting with my decision to return to Carson Creek.” She looked at me like she didn’t believe my concern was genuine.

“Can’t I be worried about you, Pip?” I hated the constant antagonism between us. It made me feel powerless, because no one had ever hated me like this before.

Pippa stood tall, her posture a picture of defiance and anger. “I would rather you weren’t worried, Ryan. This isn’t the first time I’ve been sick in the past twenty years, and I somehow managed to take care of myself every single time. I’m an expert at taking care of myself.”

That’s because she didn’t have anyone in Chicago she could rely on to take care of her when she fell ill. She had done it all on her own, relying on no one, reaching out to no one for help. And the stubborn woman was determined to do the same now. “I can help.”

“I don’t need any help. I’m fine.” Even the words sounded exhausted as they fell from her lips. She was pale and looked frail, like a strong gust of wind might knock her over.

“You’re pale, Pip.”

She gritted her teeth and glared at me so hard that if looks could kill, I would have been a dead man. “I know what I look like Ryan, and if you don’t like it, feel free to leave. The door is that way.”

I stood and took a step forward, angry that she was being so obstinate. “Dammit Pip, stop misreading everything I say. I’m worried that this is more than just a bug.”

Her blue eyes were round and wide. For a moment I thought she might tell me what was really wrong with her, but stubborn as ever, Pip stayed silent.