Anton eyes me. “Because you’re straight, right?”
“Exactly.”
He hums. “Don’t you …”
“What?”
“I don’t think it’s my place.”
“Why? We’re all friends. I don’t know you as well as the others, but we’ve got two whole weeks to fix that. You’re important to Ezra, Ezra’s important to Tripp, and Tripp’s important to me. That’s six degrees of best friend shit.”
He rubs his jaw, which is darkened by a day’s growth. “Look, I know you and Tripp are close. And you have a great relationship, but don’t you ever think you spend too much time with him?”
“Have you met Tripp? There’s no such thing as too much time with him.” And people think I’m dumb.
“Look at it this way. Ezra and I are actually dating. We’re partners in crime. We’re each other’s number one. And yet, I chose to stay here while he went off with his friends. I can be his priority without having to be with him all the time.”
“To be fair, everyone needs a break from Ezra now and then. He’s exhausting.”
Anton rubs at the smirk he’s trying to push down. “True. But … the same goes for everyone, don’t you think? It’s good to have space sometimes.”
“What are you saying?”
“He won’t forget you just because you’re out of sight for a minute.” His tone has taken on a tinge of sympathy I don’t like.
“It sounds like you’re telling me I need to spend less time with Tripp, and I don’t.”
“How do you know you won’t burn out on each other?”
Is that even possible? “Tripp’s the sweetest dude ever. It’d be like you asking if I’d ever burn out on chocolate cake. Or those yellow cocktails with that creamy stuff in them. I know you don’t know us well, but we’ve been inseparable since we met. It’s how we like it, and I’d never upset him by saying we need time apart.”
Anton takes a small sip of his drink. “You know what, I give up.”
“Give up on what? Why do I feel like you’re trying to tell me something without actually saying it? If the countless articles digging at my intelligence haven’t clued you in, I need to be told things straight up or they go right over my head.”
He gives me a look that seems too close to pity to be comfortable. It’s like I can hear him thinking poor, dumb Dex doesn’t get it. “You know what? Forget I said anything. It’s a queer thing, so you won’t understand even if I did explain it to you.”
That feeling of not being wanted starts to creep up, but then … Realization dawns on me. “Oh … Oh. Is this like an orgy thing? I didn’t know you all … got together like that. Tripp never said. Is it like a ‘what happens on va-gay-tion stays on va-gay-tion’? Because you guys can totally get your rocks off. I’m good at pretending I know nothing.”
Anton stares at me, and I’m not sure if he wants to yell at me or laugh. “I don’t share Ezra. Ever. Like I said. Forget we even had this conversation.”
I want to try to, but I don’t think that’s possible now.
If they’re all not fucking … why is it weird that I’m here?
Six
TRIPP
As soon as we pass the entrance to the hiking trail, I get whacked on the back of the head. Twice.
“I knew this hike was a ruse.” I rub where Oskar and Ezra both hit me.
We stop where we are, blocking the path for anyone else coming either way, but we’re the only ones out here that I’ve seen.
“Duuude,” Oskar says.
I look at Ezra to help.
He just shakes his head. “Dude.”
I throw up my hands. “Dex and Jessica broke up. What was I supposed to do? Say sorry you’re going through a rough time, but I’m going to leave you here alone while I go on vacation with my friends? You know that would hurt him.”
“And bringing him here hurts you,” Ezra counters.
“You’re in love with him,” Oskar exclaims. “A straight guy.”
They’re not saying anything I don’t already know.
“How are you supposed to get over it if you don’t have space from him?” Ezra asks softly.
“I’m working on it. Eventually I’ll become desensitized to the way he touches me, the adorable smiles he sends my way, and then it’ll be easy to ignore the stupid feelings that have no right to live inside me.” I don’t know how to be without Dex. I’ve been trying to put distance between us for months, but it doesn’t work, so I need a new tactic.
“Look, we love the guy,” Ezra says, and Oskar agrees. “But he’s never going to pick up on your feelings for him, and by not saying anything, you’re not giving him the chance to choose not to hurt you. If he knew how much his affection gets to you, he’d stop doing it.”