Keep it at surface level, Ronan. Don’t dig too deep. You could tumble into that abyss and never be able to climb back out.
You clawed your way out of that hole once before, don’t let it trap you again.
He stopped the pressure against the spot on my taint where just on the other side of his fingers was my prostate and he drove his hand into his swim trunks.
He began to pump his fist over his own erection.
I quickly grabbed a handful of his hair, ripped on it and barked, “No! No part of tonight is for you.”
His eyes flicked up from my cock to my face. Our gazes held as he slowly released himself and straightened his trunks.
He’d always taken direction well. Apparently, that hadn’t changed.
The more he sucked me, licked me, teased me, the harder it was to keep from closing my eyes, dropping my head back and just letting myself enjoy it. Simply losing myself in what he was doing with his mouth and hands.
I refused to let him see just how much I wanted this.
Still gripping his hair with my right hand, I tightened my fingers, letting him feel the pull. It didn’t slow him down, but instead he worked harder to take me to the finish line.
He gently kneaded my balls, swallowed my whole length, and made a cock ring out of two fingers around my throbbing root. Due to the tightness, my veins had popped and my cock had turned a slight purplish-red. My precum also leaked at a rapid rate.
I weaved the fingers of my left hand into his hair. With both hands, I gripped his hair so tightly he could no longer move. Instead, I moved my hips, taking over the pace. Forcing him to take what I was willing to give him.
I held him still and thrust harder, faster, all the way to the back of his throat. Not caring if I bruised him there. Not caring if he couldn’t breathe. Not caring if he was choking on my cock.
Not fucking caring.
I punished him. For back then. For now.
For the time in between.
Pretending his mouth was his ass, I railed him until his face turned red, then a slight shade of purple.
But he did not tap out. He did not try to pull away. He did not struggle at all.
He gave me no indication that I should let up or even stop.
He took every inch I gave him.
I saw it for what it was. He was trying to prove to me that he’d do whatever it took for me to forgive him.
I needed to stop. I needed to give him a break. But I couldn’t. I kept going. For a moment drowning in my anger, being swallowed by my want, my need.
And, ultimately, for my love for the man on his knees at my feet.
For my hate for that same man.
I loved everything about him.
I hated everything about him, too.
I hated what he did to me.
I hated what he did to himself.
I hated what he did to us.
And hate was just as strong of an emotion as love. It didn’t take much to tip it from one side to the other.
It also didn’t take much for me to finally come.
I clamped my teeth together to smother my groan as I thrust my cock to the very back of his throat and held it there as I pumped cum down it. Made him swallow every damn drop until I was drained.
It was at the point when he swayed and his eyes began to bulge that I finally pulled back, finally loosened my fingers.
And finally considered forgiving him.
But instead, I fortified those walls around my heart and jerked myself free, releasing his hair, letting him suck in air.
Watching his face return to its normal color.
Watching a string of cum cling between the crown of my cock and his lips.
Panting, he licked it free, then wiped his mouth with the back of his hand.
I turned away while I adjusted my boxer briefs back in place and fastened my jeans. Because the urge to drop to my knees and comfort him was too strong. Too tempting.
Too risky.
Way too fucking risky.
Without another glance at him, I left him there on his knees and strode toward my personal access door to the roof.
“Do you leave all your Grindr dates unsatisfied?” he called out, his voice raspy from me abusing his throat.
His angry words stopped me in my tracks but I didn’t bother to turn around. I shouldn’t answer but in a moment of weakness I did. “No. Just you.”
I continued toward my escape.
“Ronan!” he shouted.
I inhaled a sharp breath but paused again, this time inches from my exit.
“I know it took me too long, but I wanted you to know… It’s important that you know, I eventually figured it out…”