Everything About You

If it caused pain tonight, I deserved it.

If I hated it, I would suffer through.

I would do anything to get Ronan back.

Absolutely anything.

Jesus fucking Christ, this man owned my soul. And I owed him mine.

Even if he forgave me, I don’t know if I could ever make up for what I did to him, intentionally or not. But I would try. If it took until the day I drew my last breath, I would damn well do my best.

“Give me the lube.”

I didn’t even realize I was still tightly gripping it. Luckily, it hadn’t squirted all over my hand and the floor. I passed it back to him, grateful he would use more.

When he dropped the tube to the floor, I reminded myself once more to relax. To loosen my muscles, to let Ronan lead.

He knew what he was doing and I trusted him.

The pressure, the stretch and the tightness was followed by the fullness as he pushed forward…

“Push out,” he breathed.

I pushed out as he slowly pushed in.

He groaned. “You’re so damn tight, T.”

Of course I was, even though I was trying not to tense up.

Halfway in he paused and let me adjust to him. His breath beat against my neck, his fingers gripped my hips, holding me still. Maybe even in an attempt to hold himself from moving, too.

He was probably fighting the urge to thrust, to take me like he wanted. To take me like I was one of his Grindr boy toys.

When he pulled back, the sensation was unexpected. But he had told me all this. I knew all this. He had made sure I was prepared all those years ago.

It was only one more thing I never did for him. One more thing that disappointed him. Even though he never came out and said it. Even though he pretended like it hadn’t.

At the time, it was because he loved me.

Also, because he thought we had all the time in the world.

I thought so, too.

Ronan slowly pushed forward again, then slightly retreated.

A small step forward, a small step back.

Then a larger step forward, an even smaller step back.

He could’ve forced it. He could’ve hurt me. He could’ve taken me quickly and gotten it over with.

He didn’t.

He took his time. He kept his patience.

And despite him acting like I was nothing but an anonymous fuck, his actions showed me that was the farthest from the truth.

I glanced up and into the window. What I saw behind me was the old Ronan, not the one from the lobby. Not the one from the roof.

I concentrated on him. And before I knew it, he stilled, fully seated inside me.

“I’m okay,” I answered.

“I didn’t ask,” he got out around gritted teeth.

He was struggling. Whether it was because he was trying to hold off on coming or because he was suddenly regretting this whole thing, I didn’t know.

“Yes, you did,” I countered.

He turned his face away so I could no longer see it clearly in the reflection.

I took that as a positive sign.

“I still love you, Roe. No matter what, just know that I still love you.”

“Tate, don’t.” The crack in his voice was another sign.

“I’m going to tell you every day for the rest of my life. Whether you’re around to hear it or not. Whether you want to hear it or not. Every damn day, Roe. Even if only the universe hears it.”

“You had a funny way of showing it.”

“I’m going to show you every day, too. Whether you see it or not. You can listen to what I say and you can watch what I do. Or you can ignore it all. Either way, just know I love you. I regret the past but I will not regret where we go from here.”

“Stop.”

“I won’t. I’ll never stop.”

CHAPTER 17

Tate (Now)

His original intention with sex tonight most likely was to punish me, to make me hurt the same way I caused him to hurt.

But he had to realize I’d also gone through that same pain and loss.

Even worse, I lost the very son I gave up Ronan for.

It was a double hit that crippled me emotionally for a very long time.

I would never get over losing Connor but I could make up for losing Ronan. I hoped tonight was a first step in that direction.

I could already feel his walls crumbling around him, now I needed to take a sledgehammer to them. At least to the point I could slip through a crack and finish breaking down those walls from the inside out.

Every step I took toward that goal had to be prudent so he didn’t slam them back up and freeze me out. Maybe even for good.

Presently, he wasn’t slamming anything but his cock into my ass now that my body had adjusted to his length and girth.

For the most part, anyway.