Everything About You

This was the first I was hearing of that, too. It wasn’t the fact he was going, I couldn’t argue that because these were his children and I had no problem with his kids coming before me. If they didn’t, I’d actually have a bigger problem with that. But what bothered me—besides Dahlia—was the fact he hadn’t given me a heads up about it.

I couldn’t call him out for lying to me, because technically, he hadn’t.

Had he been worried about my reaction and planned on waiting until the last minute to tell me? Because of course, I would’ve eventually found out anyway. Especially if he left Thursday and never returned home with the kids.

No matter what the reason, it was bringing some of our old baggage I thought had been laid to rest right back up to the surface again.

“Are you mad?”

“About you spending time with your kids? About doing what a father needs to do? No. But I don’t trust her, Tate, and you shouldn’t, either.”

“I get why you think like that and you have a valid reason for it, but no matter what, she’s the mother of my children.”

“Children you chose to have with her even after she deceived you to get pregnant with the first one!” burst from me. “Even though at your core, you are gay.”

“Roe,” he breathed. His disappointment in my outburst was clear.

I was unraveling and worse, I was scared. And I was not one to scare easily.

“We had Alec and Mazie because… I thought it would save our marriage. Spoiler… Having kids doesn’t help with marital issues when your marriage shouldn’t have happened in the first place. You were right on that. I had this underlying need to keep trying to do right by her. I tried and tried and failed every damn time. But in the end, having kids for the reason we did is not good for them.”

“I’ll keep that in mind if I ever need to save a marriage I got bullied into. But, here’s a thought… Instead of having more children, did you ever think being honest with Dahlia would have been the better option?”

Tate didn’t answer right away.

“Truth hurts, doesn’t it?” I asked. “And as you know, it’s even more painful when that truth is ignored. You lived a lie for over a decade, Tate.”

“You don’t need to tell me that since I lived it.” His voice had risen just like mine had.

We’d been doing so damn well, and here we were stumbling again.

I was starting to wonder if it was all worth it.

“Roe, I promise this weekend won’t change a damn thing between us. I want ‘us’ the same as you do and I’m not going to let anyone destroy us again.”

“I want to believe that, Tate. You don’t know how much I want to believe that. But I’m not going to lie to you because we promised not to lie to each other… I’m struggling with this whole thing. And because the kids don’t know about me, I can’t even come along.” To reassure myself.

I hated feeling this vulnerable.

We had come so far in the last few months. And now this. I was worried this would turn into a huge setback. Or even possibly break us again.

Worse, I had no idea my self-confidence could be so easily rattled.

The thing was, I knew Tate wasn’t doing this to me on purpose. I needed to focus on that fact. And the fact that he’d gone above and beyond to fix our relationship. He’d done anything and everything in his power to do so.

I also needed to remember that he went above and beyond for his children in every way he could. He wanted to be the best father to his children that he could be. Ultimately, he was a good man with a good heart who had made a mistake he spent years trying to make up for. To Dahlia and to me.

Guilt could be a powerful motivator.

“You need to trust me, Roe.”

“I do.”

“No. Your trust in me is shaky right now. I can see that. But you know I love you.”

“You said you love Dahlia, too.”

“As the mother of my children. Do I really have to remind you that I’m in love with you? You are my soulmate. You are my one true forever.”

I nodded because I wanted to believe that. I did. I guess I had more issues to work through myself. But I’d first wait until I was sure Tate came back to me after spending a long weekend with Dahlia.

Maybe I needed to make an appointment with a therapist, too. Because I loved Tate too much to lose him again. I didn’t want to be the one to sabotage us by mistake.

He held my heart in his hands because I had given it to him. I needed to trust him with it. I needed to have faith. In him and in us.