~Lily~
My teeth chatter as the freezing water runs over my body. That’s the third time in my life I’ve lost control and given into the darkness lurking in the depths of my heart. It’s the first time anyone’s pulled me out of it so quickly. Usually, it takes a few days before the lust for blood and revenge subsides with any level of normalcy returning.
Blake’s eyes did it though— almost immediately. As soon as I realized it was him holding me down, it was like the world tilted and boomeranged back into place. It proves he’s my rock, my center. Eleven years with my team and none of them would’ve stopped me from gutting Sammi in that field, but Blake did. I’m glad too. As angry as I am with her, I need to hear what she has to say.
I close my eyes and let the cold clear the rest of my head. The guilt from my actions will stick with me for a while. It always does. Fuck, if Sorina saw any of that, I’ll never forgive myself. So many aspects of myself I still hide from her and Blake. How can I be the mother and wife they deserve if my impulses get the best of me?
“Lily.”
I jump out of my skin at the sound of Blake’s deep, pained voice. He moves to step into the shower, still fully clothed, but I shake my head, stopping him in the doorway.
“Don’t. The last thing I want is you touching me right now.”
It hurts to say those words to him, but it’s the truth. I need his touch, crave it, like a starving man craves food. But I don’t deserve it.
“I don’t understand.”
“I can’t believe you’d even want to touch me after what you saw.”
He steps into the shower and closes the door, leaning against the back wall and crossing his arms across his chest. “Have you forgotten I shoved your hunting knife through that guy’s head?”
A lump forms in my throat and I swallow it down, irrational and sadistic desire making me wet in the worse way. “No, baby, I haven’t. God, this is going to sound sick, but that might be the sexiest thing I’ve ever seen you do.”
His eyebrows shoot up, surprise coloring his face. “What?”
I turn to face him, his eyes darkening as they travel down my naked body. He bites his bottom lip and all my willpower is spent on not touching him. Not pulling him to me and biting that fucking lip myself.
“As much as it burns my ass to admit it, Blake, I’m a sadist in my own way. Tonight was my euphoria. Letting go like that, torturing and killing. It’s why I joined Jax when he found me. It’s what he trained me for. Only one thing in twenty years has ever beaten that high.”
“What thing?”
My breathing quickens, taking in the toned contour of his muscles, knowing how they move and ripple when we make love. “You. You’re the best high I’ve ever had. Even killing doesn’t beat that.”
He pushes off the wall, closing the space between us, putting his body flush against mine. Every nerve ending in my body is at attention, calling to him, my hands shaking with the need to touch him. He doesn’t shiver in the cold water, but his black t-shirt clings to his abs like a second skin making me damn near bounce with desire.
“Do you want me to touch you now, Lily?” His voice is commanding, deep, and sexy as fuck.
The air moves so damn fast through my lungs, I’m on the verge of a panic attack. This feeling hasn’t come with this intensity since the first time we made love. He moves closer still, his hands at his side.
“Answer me, baby.” He leans forward, his face next to mine, but still not touching me. “You smell so good.”
“I’m worried I’ll hurt you right now. It usually takes me a few days to get back to normal when I lose it like that.”
“Worried about hurting me says the woman with bruises in the shape of my hands on her hips.”
His eyes are hooded, dark, and hungry, but he still doesn’t touch me. He’s waiting for me to ask him to. Any other woman might think he’s being a tease, but he’s not. He’s giving me a choice, letting me make the decision on what I can handle right now. Blake knows how far to push me and has gotten very good at knowing when I’m at my limit. Rarely, in the time he’s known me, has he pushed me past my limit.
“Blake just be careful. If I get too forceful or hurt you in any way, stop and walk away.”
His hands move slowly toward me, softly gripping my sides and pulling me tight against his body, his erection pressing through his jeans into the lower part of my belly. His lips press against mine, lightly, asking for acceptance. With shaking hands, I trace the ripples of his abs and chest, finally wrapping my arms around his neck as my lips part for him.
His tongue is slow and controlled, consuming my mouth. He’s the only person I give complete control to, and happily. Slanting his lips over mine, the kiss deepens, igniting flames in my sex and blood, pulling me to the high only he gives me.
Everything blanks. It’s just him and me. Tonight doesn’t matter, the cold water, the aftermath awaiting me, Sammi’s betrayal . . . nothing. Dropping my hands, I grip the bottom of his shirt and yank it over his head, moving right for his jeans. In seconds, he is kissing me again, glorious, naked, with an erection that could make other men die from envy.
“Fuck me, Blake. Now.”
Thankfully, I don’t have to tell him twice. He grabs the back of my thighs and lifts me into the air, filling me as my back hits the wall. He groans, throwing his head back, holding me steady as we grind into each other.