“Heresy? A strong word.”
“I like that word. A lot. It has the proper seriousness. Anyway, he hardly ever wrote to her.” She shifted to face me. “Jo wouldn’t admit to it, but his lack of attention hurt her. She made excuses for him. The front lines and all that. But I knew something wasn’t right. It’s because she doesn’t see herself properly.”
“How so?” This girl was like finding a textbook on Josephine.
“First, she doesn’t think she’s pretty. Second, she thinks men find her boring because all she does is read and take care of people. She actually told me one time that she didn’t expect to ever have a man fall in love with her.”
“Ridiculous,” I said, under my breath.
She lifted her chin slightly as she peered at me through narrowed eyes. “I agree. But you see, that’s what it was with Walter. He paid attention to her, and she took that as love. It’s sad because he preyed on that vulnerability. Which is why a girl should never let her guard down. Always distrust people until you know more.” She bent her legs and leaned over her knees. “Jo’s the only one who remembers our mother. That’s why she’s the way she is. She witnessed our mother’s madness. She had to see things no child should.”
“Like what?”
“She saw her standing over Fiona’s crib with a knife in her hand.”
I swallowed back an exclamation. How horrid. She’d not shared that story in her letters.
“She doesn’t talk about it much,” Cymbeline said. “But occasionally, when it’s just the three of us older girls, she talks about our mother. And other things, like how hard it was after she died. Papa was devastated, and she had to take care of him and us. Fiona was a tiny baby then, and I was a toddler, plus the twins. We had Jasper and Lizzie, of course, but it was still hard for Jo. It wasn’t until Mama came that she was allowed to be a child again. As Mama says, though, the damage had already been done. Jo was already like an old woman. Too worried. Too willing to accept scraps. Too devoted to a life of service.”
“Is that a bad thing?”
“No, unless it’s at a personal cost, which, in her case, it is. She doesn’t think she’s worth anything unless s
he’s taking care of others. That’s why she liked that rotten Walter in the first place. He needed her, and she sensed it.”
“That’s insightful of you,” I said.
She raised both eyebrows. “The others don’t think I’m as smart as them because I don’t care much for school. It’s just so stuffy inside, and there are so many things to do and learn that have nothing to do with academics. However, I know things about people, especially my family. I know things about you, too.”
“You do?”
“You look at Josephine all soft in the eyes. Like this.” She widened her eyes and made them appear glassy and blank. “Lovesick eyes.”
“And if that were true? What would you think? Would you approve, since I like books?”
“Liking books is to your favor, yes. However, I’m not sure about the rest of you. I like that you think women can do what men can do. Still, I’m the wait-and-see type. My sister Fiona loves everyone without any discernment whatsoever. It’s maddening. The others are almost as bad.” She pointed to her eyes. “I’m watching you. Don’t forget that.”
I laughed. “When I was a kid, I was like you. When a new boy or girl came to the orphanage, I observed for weeks before making a judgment one way or the other.”
“Is that why you came to us? To find a family?”
“That’s appealing, yes. But I came for Josephine. To see if she was as remarkable as I thought. She is, but you know that.”
“I do. I’m not sure you’ll have any luck with her. She might not like you.”
“Why?” My stomach clenched. Cymbeline’s insightfulness unnerved me.
“Because you don’t need her. You’re strong all on your own. She won’t have to take care of you. I’m not sure she’d know what to do with a man like that.”
I nodded and turned toward the crowd surrounding the firepit. “Maybe I’m exactly what she needs then. I could take care of her.”
“I’d like that for her.” She reached her arms overhead and stretched. “For my other sisters, too. Just not for me. I won’t be tied down by a man and made to obey. I’ll have my own work and money and adventures.”
“I’ve no doubt you’ll make the kind of life you want.”
She grinned as she rose to her feet. “You can count on that. But Phillip, in all seriousness, you’ve got to figure out how to skate, or you’ll never fit in around here. Jo cannot marry a man who can’t take her for a twirl around the pond. That’s just not done.”
“I’ll do my best, but I’m an old man.”