“I guess so.”
He chuckled at the hesitancy in my voice. “Our sow has some babies. They’re pretty cute.”
“I would like to see piglets.”
“Come on then. Follow me.” He headed down the driveway toward the barn. It was still light enough to see, but he was more of a silhouette as I walked behind him.
At the barn, he opened the side door and stepped inside. I hesitated before following him. Mother might not think it appropriate for me to accompany a man into a place alone. I’d never want to displease her or make her ashamed. I loved Mother but was also grateful to her. I always wanted to be as good as I could be as a way to pay back the debt I owed her and Father. When I’d first come to live with the Linds, I’d gotten up first thing in the morning to begin cooking and cleaning, as I’d done for Pa. Although they finally broke me of that habit, the sense of earning my keep had never left.
Tonight, however, I would do as I pleased. I wanted to see the babies. Anyway, Theo Barnes was the most trustworthy of men. He would never harm me. A revelation, that. I could trust him. Which made me feel safe. I stepped in behind him.
The barn had an electric light that hung from the rafters. Theo switched it on and headed toward the back. It smelled mostly of hay with a tinge of horse manure. The floors had been swept clean in the space between the horse stalls and the wire chicken coop. A door led to the outside where they must go in and out during the day. Hens sat on their nests, looking bored. A rooster strutted about, as if he had to protect his girls from harm. A ladder led to a hayloft above the chickens stuffed with bales of hay.
“Are all barns this tidy?” I asked.
“I don’t know. You’d have to ask Cymbeline or Poppy. Ours is always like this.”
We reached the pig’s stall, which unlike where the horses were kept, had a short wall on one side. The sow lay on her side as small pink piglets nursed. I counted nine babies all together. One was considerably smaller than the others.
“Is that the runt?” I asked, pointing to the littlest one.
“Yes. Cymbeline said he almost didn’t make it. She and Fiona sat out here all night to make sure he didn’t get harmed by the others.” Theo shook the contents of the bucket into a feeding bin that reminded me of a baby cradle.
“Did you miss this while you were away?” I asked.
“More than I thought I would.” He set the bucket next to his feet. He’d changed from his evening summer suit into blue jeans and a short-sleeved shirt and boots. Frankly, the rustic look suited him. Even I couldn’t deny how handsome he was. During our time at the creek today, I’d detected the muscles under his thin shirt. I’d shocked myself by feeling a dart of yearning. What would his skin feel like under my hands?
“Didn’t you think you’d be homesick?” I asked. “I was when I went away.”
“Yes, I suppose so. It’s hard to explain.” He gazed over at the piglets. “When I left, Flynn and I were at odds. We’d always been close, but leaving felt like freedom from him, which I needed.”
I couldn’t imagine the Barnes twins at odds. It hadn’t been over me? No, of course not. Don’t be a ninny. Men as close as Flynn and Theo wouldn’t have fought over a girl like me. “What was it that drew you apart?”
“A few things. The war, for one. I’d joined because he did, and when we returned, I had some problems adjusting back to normal life.”
I remembered him at church the Sunday after they’d returned. The faraway look in Theo’s eyes had reminded me of my own when I’d first come to the Linds’. I’d detected the aftermath of trauma. Uncertainty about whether you would live or die made a person like that. In contrast, Flynn had seemed sure of himself. The conquering hero. Unaffected by the terrors of war.
“Were you resentful of Flynn because of it?” I asked.
“Way down deep.” He scratched behind his ear. “Josephine’s anger was more on the surface. They fought, which was not something I could ever remember happening in the past. In addition to all that, Flynn wanted to open a ski resort like the ones we’d seen in Europe. Once we got into the planning, I realized it was his dream, not mine.
I had always been the quiet, less dominant twin. My wishes were often pushed aside. Sometimes I couldn’t distinguish my own desires over his. Flynn was always brave and impulsive and passionate about life. I lived more of my life inside the pages of a book.”
“I know what that’s like.”
He raised both eyebrows. “Yes?”
“I mean, not the twin part, obviously. But fading into the background. Putting everyone else first.” I looked down at my hands. “When I first came to the Linds’, I felt as if I needed to earn my keep. I wanted to make sure there was no reason why they would send me away. I never wanted them to be sorry for their decision to adopt me.”
He leaned his back against the wall next to the pen. “Is that why you don’t want to stay here? You don’t want to feel like you owe us?”
“I suppose that’s part of it.” I sighed and walked over to one of the horses to pet her nose.
“This is Lucy,” Theo said as he joined me. “Isn’t she pretty?”
“Yes, she is.”
“What’s the other reason you don’t want to stay with us?” Theo asked.