I swallowed, unable to think of how to reply.
“It wasn’t your fault that you liked the more confident of the two of us. Most people do.”
“That was years ago now. Things have changed, as they always do,” I said.
“I always cared for you,” Theo said lightly. “You’re the first girl I ever noticed or wanted to kiss. From the very first day of school.”
“I was dirty and ragged.”
He tapped his chest. “Not in here. Mama wasn’t the only one who saw you. Inside, you glowed with the light of a thousand stars. You still do.”
“I do?”
“Maybe a million stars.”
I laughed, which came out more like a hiccup. His compliments were certainly lighting me up at the moment. “I don’t feel like that most of the time. Mostly, I feel apologetic.”
“For what?”
“Existing. Surviving.”
“You shouldn’t. In fact, you should realize you were a gift to the Linds. To us, too. To our whole town.”
“But I’ve never done anything important. I don’t have a purpose like you do. How could I be a gift to anyone?”
“You don’t see it yet, but it’s there,” Theo said with more conviction than he should have, given the evidence before him.
“Father sent me to finishing school hoping I would meet other young ladies who might introduce me to the type of man he wanted me to marry. I couldn’t even do that right.”
“I don’t understand.”
“I was too shy to make friends with the other girls. All I wanted was to be back here with the people I knew for most of my life. I’m simple. Too simple for any of those people. I might know which fork to use, but I’m always going to be the same ragged, invisible girl I always was.”
“No, you were never that. Not then, not now.”
For a moment, I believed him. I was here with a man who cared for me. A man who’d wanted to kiss me and had.
Then the darkness came. A memory of the house where Pa had taken me that day. Come with me. It’s time for you to earn your keep.
I refused to give in to it, though. I stayed right there with Theo Barnes. Pa couldn’t drag me back there. Not this time.
9
Theo
* * *
My head seemed in a fog as I gazed down at Louisa. How had I lived my whole life without experiencing the glory of her kiss? I must get back to my room and think it all through. What was I supposed to do now? Did the kiss mean anything? Would she regret it? The manners Papa and Mama had taught me came to the rescue. I should get her home and out of this barn where it was improper for us to be alone after dark.
“It’s late. May I walk you back to the cottage?” I asked.
“Yes, that would nice.” She swayed slightly before reaching out for me. “Theo, I’m quite dizzy.”
“You’re tired?”
“Perhaps. Or maybe your kisses poisoned me.” She smiled.
My stomach fluttered at the beauty of her smile. “I hope they’re not poison.” I watched her carefully for clues. Did she regret the kiss, or was she asking for another?