“How was Louisa?” I asked, already knowing the answer.
“She took it hard,” Dr. Neal said, shaking his head. “You should head home. She was asking where you were every five minutes, not remembering she’d already asked me.”
“In shock, most likely, poor mite,” Mrs. Kelley said.
I thanked them and drove home, my stomach in knots. Why couldn’t my girl catch a break? I parked out in the garage and loped across the driveway and into the gardens toward the cottage. A shadow figure moved on the other side of the curtains.
I knocked and called her name. Footsteps came from the other side, and then the door opened. Louisa, her face red and damp with tears, stared back at me as if she didn’t know who I was.
“Louisa? I’m so sorry.”
She straightened her shoulders. “It’s fine. I’m fine. I’ve decided I’ll be leaving for Denver right after the funeral.”
I jerked as if she’d struck me. “Denver? What are you saying?”
“This isn’t what I want. I was only marrying you for Mother. To keep her safe.”
My stomach churned. She wanted to leave. She didn’t want me. It was only about the money. My brother was right. Still, my instinct was to take care of her. “But what will you do? How will you live?”
“I don’t know.” She retreated into the room. I followed her, shutting the door behind me. “All I know is that I can’t be a burden on you like I was the Linds.”
“You’re not a burden. Not to them and not to me.”
“You want what Shannon and Flynn have. I’m not like her. I’ll ruin your life. You should have a whole woman, not one broken like me.”
“You don’t have to marry me, but you can’t run away. My family will look after you.”
“No, I can’t let it happen again.”
“Let what happen?” She wasn’t making sense.
“I killed the Linds. They would still be here if they hadn’t taken me in.”
“That’s not true. They were old and lived full lives. Much fuller because of you.” The classes I’d taken at university had delved a little into grief and trauma. She was clearly reacting irrationally to her mother’s death.
“T
hey put all their money toward me and look what happened. I didn’t come home with a rich husband.”
“Your father hoped for that because he wanted what was best for you. But you didn’t fail him. You didn’t cause his death.”
She sank into one of the chairs and covered her face. A sob rose out of her chest that sounded like a wounded animal. “I didn’t deserve them. I’m trash. I’m a scared, worthless little mouse. That’s what he called me. When he chased me, Pa shouted, ‘Run, mouse, run.’ The gun was aimed at the back of my head. I would run and run, scared out of my mind, sure the bullet would come at any moment. I knew I would die that way.”
My entire body shook with rage. I staggered over to the nearest chair and sat. An image of the little girl she’d been the first time I ever saw her played before my eyes. She’d been so small and skinny with those giant eyes. How could a man do that to a little girl?
She wiped her face with her hands, then pointed a finger at me. “See there. I can see how you feel sorry for me. I can’t allow you to wreck your life over this…marriage to me. I can’t ever give you what you want or need.” She jerked to her feet and went to her suitcase, tossing one last dress inside and shutting the top. There were too many items, though, and it remained open, reminding me of an alligator’s mouth. “I can’t let you do it, Theo. You’re too good a man.”
I could barely speak my chest was so tight. “This isn’t an act of charity. I love you.”
She whirled around. “I love you, but what good does that do us? I’m still me.”
“You love me?” My heart felt as if it might burst. “I thought you said you were only doing it for your mother.”
“I lied. I’ve been lying to myself all this time. I’ve known all along this was wrong. For you.”
“You love me?” I asked, repeating myself.
“How could I not? You’ve accepted me as I am. But at what detriment to yourself, Theo? I love you enough to leave you and let you have a good life. I can’t let you marry me over pity.”