“I have to leave here.”
As her eyes shut briefly, it nearly destroyed him not to go over and comfort her. But this was hard enough already. Touching her again was going to break him in half.
“I went to the doctor today,” he said. “I spent all afternoon at the hospital.”
She blanched. “Are you ill?”
“Not exactly.” He paced around and ended up at the bureau, where he pushed the empty bottom drawer back into place. “Far from it, actually . . . It appears that my body has regenerated parts of itself.” His hand went down to his lower body. “For years, I’ve had an arthritic hip from too much sports—I’ve always known that eventually it was going to need replacing. As of the X-rays taken today? It’s in perfect condition. No arthritis to be found, no inflammation. Good as it was when I was eighteen.”
As her mouth fell open, he figured he might as well hit her with all of it. Pulling up his shirtsleeve, he ran his hand over his forearm. “I’ve had freckles from sun damage for the last two decades—they’re gone now.” He bent over and lifted his pant leg. “The shin splints I have fro
m time to time? Disappeared. And this is in spite of the fact that I ran eight miles this morning without even thinking about it—in under forty-five minutes. My blood work came back with no cholesterol problems, perfect liver values, spot-on iron and platelets.” He tapped his temples. “And I’ve been on the edge of reading glasses, doing the arm stretch with menus and magazines—except I don’t need to anymore. I can read fine print two inches from my nose. And believe it or not, all this is just the beginning.”
Don’t get him started on the lack of crow’s-feet around his eyes and the fact that the gray at his temples had been replaced with dark brown and that his knees weren’t sore.
“And you think . . .” Payne put her hand up to her throat. “And you think I am the cause?”
“I know you are. What else could it be?”
Payne started to shake her head. “I do not understand why this is not a blessing. Eternal youth has been sought after by all races—”
“It’s not natural.” At this, she winced, but he had to keep going. “I’m a doctor, Payne. I know all about the normal way human bodies age and deal with injury. This”—he motioned over his body with his hands—“is not right.”
“It is regeneration—”
“But where’s it going to stop? Am I going to Benjamin Button it and de-age all the way back to an infant?”
“That would be impossible,” she countered. “I have been exposed to the light more than you have and I am not reverting to a youth state.”
“Okay, fine, so let’s assume that doesn’t happen—what about everyone else in my life?” Not that that was a long list, but still. “My mother’s going to see me like this and think I’ve had plastic surgery—but what about in ten years? She’s only seventy—trust me, by the time she’s eighty or ninety, it is going to dawn on her that her son’s not aging. Or do I have to give her up?”
Manny got to walking again, and as he pulled on his hair, he could have sworn it was thicker. “I lost my job today—because of what happened after my memories were scrubbed. During that week I was away from you, my head was so fucked-up, I didn’t know whether it was night or day, and that’s all they have to go on, because it’s not like I can explain to them what really happened.” He turned back to her. “My issue is, this is the only body I have, the only mind, the only . . . anything. You vampires messed with my brain and I almost lost it— what are the consequences of this? All I know is the cause. . . . The magnitude of the effect? Not a clue, and that terrifies me for a good goddamn reason.”
Payne brought the tail of her thick braid over her shoulder and smoothed it while she dropped her eyes. “I am . . . sorry.”
“It’s not your fault, Payne,” he groaned as he threw up his hands. “And I don’t want to put all this on you, but I—”
“It is my fault. I am the cause.”
“Payne . . .”
As he started for her, she put her palms up and backed away. “No, do not come near me.”
“Payne—”
“You are right.” She stopped when she bumped into the glass door she’d come in through. “I am dangerous and destructive.”
Manny rubbed his cross through his shirt. In spite of everything he’d said, at that moment, he wanted to take it all back and somehow find a way to make things right between them.
“It is a gift, Payne.” After all, she and the horse had demonstrated the benefits of short-term exposure. “It’s going to help you and your family and your people. Hell, with what you can do, you’ll put Jane out of business.”
“Indeed.”
“Payne . . . look at me.” When her eyes eventually lifted to his, he wanted to weep. “I . . .”
Except he let that sentence drift. The truth was, he loved her. Completely and forever. But that was the curse of all this for them both, he suspected.
He was never going to get over her, and there would never be anyone else for him.