"Would you be going where. . . Wellsie is?"
"I told you, everyone's In Between is different. "
Tohr put his head in his hands. "I can't just turn myself off. She was my life. How the hell do I - "
"You can start by not trying to castrate yourself with a fist when you get a hard-on for another female. "
When the Brother didn't say anything, Lassiter had a feeling the guy had teared up. And yeah, wow, didn't that make things awkward. God. Damn.
Lassiter shook his head. "I'm the wrong angel for this job, for real. "
"I never cheated on her. " Tohr inhaled sharply through his nose, the sniff entirely manly, as sniffles went. "Other males. . . even bonded ones, I mean, they look at females from time to time. Maybe they screw around a little on the side. Not me. She wasn't perfect, but she was more than enough to keep me satisfied. Hell, when Wrath needed someone to keep an eye on Beth back before they were mated? He sent me. He knew I wouldn't come on to her, not just out of respect for him, but because I wasn't going to be interested in the slightest. I have literally never had an instant when I thought of anyone else. "
"You did tonight. "
"Don't remind me. "
Well, at least he copped to it. "Which is why I'm about to take my one-way trip to Never-coming-back Land. And your shellan is staying where she is. "
Tohr rubbed the center of his chest like it hurt. "Are you sure I didn't die and go to this In Between already? Because this sure as shit feels like what you've described. Suffering but not Dhund. "
"I don't know. Maybe some people aren't aware they're in it - but my directive was clear as a bell, and it was all about you letting go so she could move on. "
Tohr dropped his hands like he was so done with the world. "I never thought there was going to be something worse than her dying. I couldn't fathom any course of events that would hurt more. " He cursed. "I should have known that fate is sadistic as well as endlessly inventive. Imagine - my fucking some female gets the one I love into the Fade. Fabulous equation. Just frickin' fantastic. "
That wasn't the half of it, Lassiter thought. But why bring it up now.
"I have to know something," the Brother said. "As an angel, do you believe that certain people are cursed from the start? That some lives are just doomed right out of the box?"
"I think. . . " Shit, he didn't go this deep. This was not him. "I - ah, I think that life runs on a set of odds that are spread out over the heads of every living, breathing bastard on the planet. Chance is unfair by definition, and random. "
"So what about this Creator of yours? Doesn't He play a role?"
"Ours," he muttered. "And I don't know. I don't put much stock in anything. "
"An angel who's an atheist?"
Lassiter laughed a little. "Maybe that's why I keep getting into trouble. "
"Nah. That part's because you can be a real asshole. "
They both chuckled. Then sat in silence.
"So what's it going to take?" Tohr asked. "Honestly, what the hell is destiny going to want from me now?"
"The same as any endeavor. Blood, sweat, and tears. "
"That's it," Tohr said dryly. "And here I was thinking it could just be an arm or a leg. "
When Lassiter didn't reply, the Brother shook his head. "Listen, you gotta stay. You have to help me. "
"It's not working. "
"I'll try harder. Please. "
After an eternity, Lassiter felt his head nod. "Okay. Fine. I will. "
Tohr exhaled long and slow, like he was relieved. Showed what he knew; they were all still in trouble.