Tohr lowered the longneck from his mouth. "What?"
"Shut it. After this, we're going to watch an episode of Moonlighting. Then An Affair to Remember - the old-school one, not that stupidity with Warren Beatty. Then The Princess Bride - "
Tohr hit the switch by his hip and straightened the chair up. "Okay. Right. Have fun with this - "
Lassiter hit pause and clamped a hard hand on his shoulder. "Sit the fuck back. Watch and learn. "
"What? How much I hate rom-coms? How 'bout we just stipulate that and let me go. "
"You're going to need this. "
"For my second career as a pussy?"
"Because you have to remember how to be romantic. "
Tohr shook his head. "No. Nope. Not going to happen. . . "
As he hopped on the over-my-dead-body train, Lassiter just kept shaking his head. "You gotta remember it's possible, buddy. "
"The hell I do - "
"You're stalled, Tohr. And whereas you might have time to fart around, Wellsie doesn't have that luxury. "
Tohr shut up. Sat back. Started to pick off the label on his beer. "I can't do that, man. I can't pretend to feel. . . that way. "
"Kind of like you can't have sex with No'One? Just how long do you plan on going on like you are?"
"Until you disappear. Until Wellsie's free and you're gone. "
"And how's that working for you. You like that dream you woke up with today?"
"Movies aren't going to help," he said after a moment.
"What else are you going
to do? Jack off in your room until No'One comes back from work - then jack off next to her? Oh, wait, let me guess - pace around aimlessly. Because it's not like you've ever done that before. " Lassiter shoved the bowl he'd offered into Tohr's face. "What the fuck is it going to cost you to hang here with me. Shut up and eat your half of the popcorn, asshole. "
Tohr accepted what was in his grill only because it was either that or he ended up with Orville all over his lap.
One hour and thirty-six minutes later, he had to clear his throat as Meg Ryan told Billy Crystal that she hated him in the middle of a New Year's Eve party.
"Sauce on the side," Lassiter said as he got up. "The answer to everything. "
A minute later, young Bruce Willis came onscreen, and Tohr sent up a prayer of thanks. "This is much better. We need more beer, though. "
"Got it. "
A case of lager later and they had blown through two epis of Moonlighting, including a Christmas one where the cast and crew sang along with the actors in the last scene.
Which did not make him clear his throat again.
Really. It didn't.
Then they tried to get through An Affair to Remember. At least until Lassiter took pity on them both and started to rock the fast-forward button.
"Chicks say this is the greatest," the angel muttered, as he hit the button again and whoever it was started speed-emoting. "Maybe this one was a mistake. "
"Amen on that. "