And, no doubt, how you wished you'd had more time. Even if you'd had centuries. . .
When you were young, you thought time was a burden, something to be discharged as fast as possible so you could be grown-up. But it was such a bait-n-switch - when you were an adult, you came to realize that minutes and hours were the single most precious thing you had.
No one got forever. And it was a fucking crime to waste what you were given.
Enough, Qhuinn thought. Enough with the excuses, and the avoidance, and the trying to be someone, anyone else.
Even if he got shanked, even if his precious little ego and his dumb-ass little heart got shattered into a million pieces, it was time to stop the bullshit.
It was time to be a male.
As Blay started to straighten, like a message had been received, Qhuinn thought, That's right, buddy.
Our future has come.
Epilogue
The following evening, Tohrment rolled over and found Autumn's body in the sheets. She was warm and willing as he mounted her, her thighs splitting for him, her core welcoming him as he sank in deep and moved inside.
They had fallen asleep together, sinking into the kind of rest you had when a journey was over and home had finally reappeared on the horizon.
"Give me your mouth, my female," he said softly in the dark.
As her lips yielded to him, he let his body take over, the release not an earthquake, but more of a wave, an easing of tension rather than a chaotic explosion of stars. And as he continued to ride her in that gentle rhythm, making love to his Autumn, he was reassuring himself that she was real - that they were real.
When it was over, he willed on a single light on the bedside table and traced her face with his fingertips. The way she smiled at him made him totally believe in a benevolent Maker.
They were going to be mated, he thought. And he would add her name, the one he had given her, to his back, right below Wellsie's. And she would be fully his shellan for however long they had together.
"Do you want something to eat?" he whispered.
She smiled some more. "Please. "
"I'll be right back, then. "
"Wait, I'd like to come with you. I don't know what I want. "
"Then we'll go down together. "
It took some time to actually make it out of the bed, get dressed in pj's, and wander down the hall of statues to the stairwell.
Autumn paused at the top, as if she were remembering the night before and leery of getting anywhere near the space - like she might get sucked up into the Fade again.
With a nod of understanding, he swung her up into his arms. "I'll carry you. "
As she stared up into his face, she put her hand to his cheek, and didn't have to speak. He knew exactly what she was thinking of.
"I can't believe Lassiter saved us, either," he said.
"I don't want him suffering. "
"Neither do I. He was a good guy. A real. . . angel, as it turned out. "
Tohr started the descent, taking careful steps because he had a precious load. Down at the bottom, he paused for a moment to look at the depiction of the apple tree on the floor. He had let go of two females at the foot of one. . . and now he was in the position of carrying one of them back over it - thanks to that angel who had somehow pulled off a miracle.
He was going to miss that son of a bitch; he really was. And he was going to be eternally grateful for -
The doorbell chimed, loud and clear.