“If you would just let me speak,” I continued. “I would tell you that yes, I agree with everything you said. This life sucks. I grew up in it, and it’s not really something you ever fully get used to. I think the anxiety is a constant pinprick in the back of your mind. But…” I paused, taking a breath and giving his hand a reassuring squeeze.
“She’s an adult. You’re an adult. You can both decide what you can handle, and it’s not my right or responsibility to tell her who she can or can’t be with. Just treat her right, Finn,” I told him. “Because I may look nice now, but I will kill for her. And I will kill slowly.”
He swallowed.
“Got it?”
“Got it.” He nodded.
“Good.” I smiled and released his hand, leaning back in the chair and taking a deep breath. “We really need to get you guys out of here. I feel like sitting ducks. Anyone can get to us in here, and we’re losing men left and right. Soon, we aren’t going to have anyone to stand outside these doors.”
My throat constricted a bit thinking about all the men we had lost just since I had come around. I would never express the worry to the boys—not now—but I knew so many of those lives had been lost because of me, if not all of them.
“I can see that guilt written all over your face, Scarlet,” Finn said, interrupting my thoughts. “But this shit was going to happen eventually. They’ve been knocking at our door for too long—it was bound to come to a head at some point. You just gave us the push we needed to take care of business.”
“I appreciate you saying that.”
“You just need to stop being so hard on yourself,” he said, settling down into his bed, wincing before his thumb hit that little morphine button in his hand.
“Wish I had one of those right about now.”
“Wish I didn’t have one of these right about now,” he said, patting his bullet wound lightly. I smiled at his joke and stood. He needed to rest so that we could get them out of the hospital and back into a safe house.
I leaned over his bed as his eyes closed and pushed his soft ginger hair out of his face.
“Thank you, Finn,” I whispered, kissing him on the forehead as the morphine hit his system and his breathing got deeper. “Thank you for saving her life.”
My throat constricted with pain again, wanting to close up as the tears threatened to fall as I thought of how easily we could’ve lost Kenna. There was too much loss. Too much fucking pain going around lately.
Leaving his room, I let Lucas take up watch again and left them both to go back to my boys. It was time we figured out how we were going to end this shit. With my father out of the picture, it was either going to separate the family or unite them. If there were enough people getting sick of the tyranny that was Domnul Dulca, it could work in our favor.
If Motshan decided to grab hold of that movement and take down the old-timers…
The only thing clear to me was that I needed to talk to Motshan again. And after the promise I made Seb, I was going to have to go about it the honest way.
I was going to have to convince these boys that I knew what I was doing…again.
I was going to have to convince them I wouldn’t get myself kidnapped…again.
Fuck.